At the airport

Singapore Changi Airport, Thursday July 12, 14.48.

In just about an hour, I will be (hopefully) flying high above the skies that lace the sky of the South China Sea, on my way to California, the sun, Shiva, vegan breakfast burritos, my ex and a bunch of excited yogis to attend a teacher intensive. I am thrilled, and at the same time, I hate to leave.

It's quite a curious game, which the mind plays with you, when you are about to exercise such an outstanding opportunity (flying half-way across the word to attend an amazing retreat with one's guru with a bunch of like-minded carefree whisperers), and still all you can think about is staying home, watching TV with your partner and playing around with your doggies. It's definitely a puzzling reaction that i have witnessed in me several times. I can't quite understand whether it's just laziness, ultimately, or the realization that in the end, your heart calls you back to the most simple components of your life.

Now the real question I have been struggling with lately, is whether one should heed its inner calling (stay home to enjoy the simple things), or if one should give oneself a good kick in the seat bones and get going. I am torn.

For a little while, I have been so happy with my life that I start getting scared of losing it all. More clearly, I am getting shit scared to die right now. As a result, I am displaying this defensive behavior, and am focusing almost exclusively on what I know is key, and on what makes me most happy in the short term: my imperfect parter, my imperfect doggies, and my imperfect little Life. But while it looks like a healthy conscious decision, I am also anxious that I might thereby be shielding myself from greater opportunities in Life. Let me explain. Not that I think I should abandon my Dearest, Moomoo and Keke to lead a totally different life at all. I just think I should stop being so scared of losing this part of my life that I am preventing myself from knowing anything else. It's a little bit like Arjuna's questionning in the Gita, when Sri Krishna tells him that Yoga IS action, and that Arjuna has no option but immersing himself in the World, no matter how tough, uncomfortable or dangerous this may be. Yoga is action, karma yoga, Life must be experienced fully to come to a state of Yoga.

As a result, the struggle in Life is to preserve the most precious elements within, and yet not compromise the necessity to take action in the World. What it means for me is that I must continue cherishing my Jewels, and yet take a fierce and courageous step in the world, to explore the range of opportunities it holds, and display the range of qualities I have.

Long long long unclear story cut short: good think I am on my way to LA to reconnect with my practice, the Universe, and the Flow within. And after all, it might be a good thing to pass the ever-so-important 30 years-old threshold alone and away from what I have put together in the last 29 years.

I will tell you how things go.

Imperfect Yogi