Now

Now is where it all happens. As much as my mind tries to sink ever so much into the past, mine and that of the people I love most, nothing is left there to be found.

Now is when we experience the course of our Lives, and where we are given the power of choice, the ability to feel and the right to joy. Time is an illusion, scientists will agree, as the only instant of action and reality is now. I find striking that the universe allows us to see the past because light travel too slow in this wide open space, but even there, where we can see planets as they were thousands of years ago, we are looking at the current reflection of the past onto our Selves today. The perception, the understanding of what we believe to be seeing in happening now, no matter when or how the events actually unfolded.

And because there is only now, the why does not matter. Why does my mind keep clinging back to the past? Why is it trying to evaluate the Now based on events that have disappeared, and whose effect, the only way to experience them, are carried in the present moment? I am today the result of my past, but not just. Because I am much more complex than that. Similarly for other people and events. The present moment can not be reduced to the output of the past.

And yet, we all try to validate the present moment, or worse, evaluate the future, based on what has happened. Worse even, we evaludate the present and the future through our fantasies of what our past and that of others has been. Cynical, but ridiculous, that we would use outdated and unreliable information, processed through the drama-loving emotional body, to decide what to do today, how to feel today, and what tomorrow holds.

I am figthing hard, today, to block the past out. And to wonder why.

The solution is not to be found in the why, as if things that were explained were no longer causing harm. I have tried, it does not work. Instead, I am trying, hard as I can, to be here and now. To fend off the past's attempts at splurging back into my present experience. So that i can finally stop being blinded, and see, feel, experience the Now as it truly is.

The past sets bars, usually too high. The past wants us back or makes us feel we have eternally missed out.

But the Now is an open field. Where things happen as we live and direct them.

What am I feeling Now? What do I choose Now?

'Let us flow in the current of the present moment, without attachement and without detachement, without hope and without fear.'

I will try that today, after I've sucked up my coffee and completed my planning memo!