Why do we love who we love?
Love conquers all. Or at least we like to think so. And it probably does. In action movies, poems, some novels, many songs and, to some extent, Life. Or in mine at least.
So while I am airborne halfway between Paris and Los Angeles (and we say hi to Cat in Montreal as we fly over her head), let's play a game. I will play it publicly in this blog, because that's what gladly dysfunctional people like me (and most other yoga teachers) do, and because I see otherwise very little interest in writing a blog if you are not willing to be daring, creative or borderline inappropriate. As for you, you will play that game in the comfort of your own privacy, at home.
So here are the rules, which involve a heart-centered meditation (this IS, after all, a yoga-inspired page). Before you go on and read my prose, I invite you to sit down, close your eyes, breathe and exhale softly though your parted lips. Allow your heart to depressurize and soften. Bring the breath to the root of your spine. Keep the vibration there for a few slow, long, deep, relaxed breaths. When you are conscious of the energy resting there, allow your breath to rise up towards your heart, little by little, up and down, without letting it go any higher towards your head. And let the face, or smell, or voice, of each one of these 3 people spontaneously rise in you. Write whatever comes down. Don't judge. Let the Flow circulate. You may be surprised as to who and what comes up, they may not seem to be the most important people in your life today, and maybe they're not, but they are here now to teach you something very specific.
Then daydream, ponder, and let yourself go back to the deep roots of what allowed Love for that being to be unleashed. What music played in your heart? What vibration did they instill in you? What did they allow you to envision that you did not know was possible?
Here I go:
Person #1: my beloved ex
You are me. In you, I see a reflection of me, of my love, of my past, and of what I can accomplish. You are my wave, and I am your rock. You crash onto me and you soften my sharp edges. You are so ever present in everything, that I still wonder whether I can live without you. You have been the ground upon which I stand and the stars up to which I gaze. You have allowed me the hope and strength to manifest all that has arisen through me until now. You allowed my love to change without ever changing who you are. For all that, I love you. And for being real enough to notice the moment when we needed space. You were a visionary in realizing that we were too necessary to one another to realistically accomplish our respective dharmas, and rise. What liberated us bound us. What had made us grow as tall as giants had put a ceiling over our heads. You saw that. I didn't. And for that too, I love you. Into your eyes, my face remains. Always.
Person #2: my pranic wife
We met totally randomly in Venice, brought together by Coral Dear, and just for that, I knew I was going to love you. But then, you started shining your light, like a rising sun, over a calm ocean. Your smile and giggles started and have not ended yet. I love you. In that breakfast joint on Abbot. In that sweat lodge. Your silliness and simplicity, distracting one's attention from your intelligence and amazingly intense experience of this world. Your humility, intertwined with a total lack of shame. Your eyes, which open right into God. Your ability to manifest into the material plane all the Consciousness that overflows in your heart (is that Prakrti or WHAT?). Your strength and groundedness. But most of all, your fragility. Your truthfulness. Your tears. Your heart calling for me. When mine calls for you. Hugging you. Kissing you. Because I love you.
'You probably think I'm crazy, I don't want you to save me, don't mean to disappoint you, I 've never felt so free. If you could stand in my shoes, then you would feel my heart beat too.' (Heartbeat/Hard Candy). That's how I felt when I met you.
Person #3: the one who came out of nowhere and revived my heart (and then broke it, all in 28 hours)
I did not know we would meet until 15 minutes before we were introduced. I saw you and thought to myself 'nice, really nice'. And then we spoke, downstairs, in that 'shower bar' in Paris' 4th (and no, curious reader, I will tell you more about that place, it would not be appropriate in these pages :p) and you won me over. Completely smoothly. You made my heart beat. My face smile. My hands nervous, My mind race and my fires ignite. Out of the blue, unexpectedly, between a hand brushing a stranger's arm and a Desperado, I felt it. That vibration that I know so well. That sacred tremor. That Spanda that I am so intimate with I had to get it tattooed on my right arm. Love. Not for what we have been. Which has been, truly, barely nothing. But rather for what you made me feel and dream of. When the curtains of impossibility is pulled down in a second and everything, everything is totally doable again because of that one moment, one thing only exists that wholly captivated our mind. Love. Not (just) romance or sentimentality, but that primal irresistible pulsation at the root of the spine. That which makes us felt blissful. That which invoked that kiss in the crypt of this amazing Paris church. The hands constantly looking for each other. I love you for the song that you made my heart sing. Despite that which I am not sure about but which froze that pulsation. And brought me (I don't know you ever traveled as far as I did) to a halt. And for that broken heart. I thank you. With all my sacred breath. My heart is not dead. I can completely overreact and shoot up to the moon in 28 hours. To crash at its surface, ok, but shoot up, still. I love you. And to answer, again, your question of that first night, yes, I like romance. A lot. And I would have loved to get a change to give you a taste of it.
Done.
Those of you who are natural artists, whether you sing whenever you are alone, whether you act, whether you secretly write thousands of words each day, whether you paint life-size canvasses in your dreams or small cartoons in the corner of your pages, those of you will understand that I do not have a choice but to write these lines. And that I must have someone read them. I do not have a choice, if I choose liberation. And as the spanda of creation and expression rises, there is no outcome possible but to let it rise, besides spiritual suicide.
So as love rose, so did the pen.
So today, before you go to bed, love someone. In full consciousness and liberation. And tell them. Whisper it in their ear, write a letter or call them.
Love.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
What I learnt this week...
Done. 10 days. California. Much yoga. A whole LOT of teaching. Plenty of sun. Little sleep. Many friends. Little time. Unlimited devotion. One of a kind teacher. Sixty five receiving souls. Some clouds. Five dozen hugs per day. Endless laughter.
Venice, CA, Shiva's teacher training immersion, September 2008.
I am drained. We started on September 10th, at 630AM, and I have been assisting the 65 or so teacher trainees and Shiva non stop with a team of prime assistants. I learnt that:
- when you do what you like with a group of friends and people who are open to receiving, work feels like dancing for hours under the sun on the beach
- the word jazz comes from the creole (Caribbean French) word 'jasi' which means 'aroused' or 'excited', because jazz was deemed sexual and immoral in the 20s
- I love Gina and she is my karmic sister and we have to teach together
- I can't have more than one burrito a day, even if Holy Guacamole cooks the best ones in the whole wide world
- students like my teaching, and primarily because i am clear in my transmission but informal in my communication
- I can stand the California sun for up to 32 minutes with an SPF45 sunblock and up to 18 seconds without sunblock
- sunburns hurt (I knew that before)
- if you meet people with the assumption that they are amazing beings, they usually end up meeting your expectations
- jet lag is worse flying to the US from Europe vs. Asia
- we are dissolving patterns through our practice that are no longer serving our evolution, to feel the potentiality of evolution and creation within us
- I could live in LA and be awesomely happy
- The Divine, Life, our true Nature is being, but also becoming. The divine is becoming because it is perfecting itself all the time.
- I can order frozen yogurt and toppings in Japanese
- According to the Dalai Lama, we are here to embody the transcendence
- I need to put on a bit of weight
- I now wear a size Small in the US
- I am blessed to be doing something that I love, being in a circle of people I adore, studying with incredibly talented river guides, being close to very wise people, and in love with the Earth, the Ocean and the Sky
- if our governments had spent the money they are spending now saving the financial system on saving the environment and improving health, food, and education, the world would be a different, better and more conscious place (and we probably would not have to save the financial 'world' with our taxes, so generations of traders can take un-calculated risks again in 2 years)
- I miss my dogs every minute of every day and I hate being away
- I will no longer travel more than 2 weeks in a row because i MISS teaching my usual classes, public and private, to the solar practitioners who show up, once a year or once a day
- It now costs one USD15 to check in a piece of luggage on US domestic flights, USD25 dollars for a second piece of luggage, and USD100 per additional piece
- I miss the 1008 blessings of married Life
- there are total psychopaths in this world, some of them even practice yoga, and most of them just need to GET A LIFE and take a chill pill
- I like to get my ass kicked in a practice, and I don't feel I have gotten my load until I am swimming in my own sweat and need to be wheeled out of the studio
- The is no benefit in moving from a symmetrical hip asana to an asymmetrical hip asana, and warrior 3 to half moon back to warrior 3 is not neutral on your hips, but rather screws them up
- I loved every minute of being surrounded by Shiva, Gina, Beth, Allez, Julia, Meg and the rest of the Universe
- I feel unreasonably happy driving down Rose from Lincoln and suddenly seeing the Ocean, like a sheet of diamonds, ahead of me between the dark blue sky and the white sand
- One Jess is good, too Jess's is better, three Jess's is not possible cause they are twins
- One should step into the realm of fear at least once a week, to stay away from the rotten experience of undeserved comfort
I am so sad to leave. However, I am just about to jump into an insane experience. I am at LAX, waiting for my flight to Denver. I will teach tomorrow at my friend Shan's studio for the Global Mala and then head up to Estes Park for a week in the mountains with amazing friends, and to practice yoga at the YJ conference. Or maybe just to chill, hike, cook, enjoy the hot tub and think things out.
Hari Om Tat Sat
Venice, CA, Shiva's teacher training immersion, September 2008.
I am drained. We started on September 10th, at 630AM, and I have been assisting the 65 or so teacher trainees and Shiva non stop with a team of prime assistants. I learnt that:
- when you do what you like with a group of friends and people who are open to receiving, work feels like dancing for hours under the sun on the beach
- the word jazz comes from the creole (Caribbean French) word 'jasi' which means 'aroused' or 'excited', because jazz was deemed sexual and immoral in the 20s
- I love Gina and she is my karmic sister and we have to teach together
- I can't have more than one burrito a day, even if Holy Guacamole cooks the best ones in the whole wide world
- students like my teaching, and primarily because i am clear in my transmission but informal in my communication
- I can stand the California sun for up to 32 minutes with an SPF45 sunblock and up to 18 seconds without sunblock
- sunburns hurt (I knew that before)
- if you meet people with the assumption that they are amazing beings, they usually end up meeting your expectations
- jet lag is worse flying to the US from Europe vs. Asia
- we are dissolving patterns through our practice that are no longer serving our evolution, to feel the potentiality of evolution and creation within us
- I could live in LA and be awesomely happy
- The Divine, Life, our true Nature is being, but also becoming. The divine is becoming because it is perfecting itself all the time.
- I can order frozen yogurt and toppings in Japanese
- According to the Dalai Lama, we are here to embody the transcendence
- I need to put on a bit of weight
- I now wear a size Small in the US
- I am blessed to be doing something that I love, being in a circle of people I adore, studying with incredibly talented river guides, being close to very wise people, and in love with the Earth, the Ocean and the Sky
- if our governments had spent the money they are spending now saving the financial system on saving the environment and improving health, food, and education, the world would be a different, better and more conscious place (and we probably would not have to save the financial 'world' with our taxes, so generations of traders can take un-calculated risks again in 2 years)
- I miss my dogs every minute of every day and I hate being away
- I will no longer travel more than 2 weeks in a row because i MISS teaching my usual classes, public and private, to the solar practitioners who show up, once a year or once a day
- It now costs one USD15 to check in a piece of luggage on US domestic flights, USD25 dollars for a second piece of luggage, and USD100 per additional piece
- I miss the 1008 blessings of married Life
- there are total psychopaths in this world, some of them even practice yoga, and most of them just need to GET A LIFE and take a chill pill
- I like to get my ass kicked in a practice, and I don't feel I have gotten my load until I am swimming in my own sweat and need to be wheeled out of the studio
- The is no benefit in moving from a symmetrical hip asana to an asymmetrical hip asana, and warrior 3 to half moon back to warrior 3 is not neutral on your hips, but rather screws them up
- I loved every minute of being surrounded by Shiva, Gina, Beth, Allez, Julia, Meg and the rest of the Universe
- I feel unreasonably happy driving down Rose from Lincoln and suddenly seeing the Ocean, like a sheet of diamonds, ahead of me between the dark blue sky and the white sand
- One Jess is good, too Jess's is better, three Jess's is not possible cause they are twins
- One should step into the realm of fear at least once a week, to stay away from the rotten experience of undeserved comfort
I am so sad to leave. However, I am just about to jump into an insane experience. I am at LAX, waiting for my flight to Denver. I will teach tomorrow at my friend Shan's studio for the Global Mala and then head up to Estes Park for a week in the mountains with amazing friends, and to practice yoga at the YJ conference. Or maybe just to chill, hike, cook, enjoy the hot tub and think things out.
Hari Om Tat Sat
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Vive la France
So it's now been a week that I have left Singapore, and what a week. Have you noticed how Life accelerates while time shrinks when you are out of town and things are running on high?
The few days I spent in Paris were magical. Not the weather. Although, I have to say that I was invigorated, if not totally juiced up, by the cool windy weather. I finally was able to wear my best sweaters and jackets again, and felt like a million bucks in my old (read 'classic') winter clothes. My skin dried out, my gut is gone, all is good! But obviously, the real gift was to reconnect with all my friends, Guillaume, Sylvie, even Julien and Olivier. And it is then that I realized how much happier I am when I am surrounded by my tribe. My culture. My food! Not that I am significantly less happy whenever I am outside of France, but this is - against all odds and what I have chosen to believe for the last 10 years - home, after all. Life is sweet there, and so much less hectic, while still being completely captivating and buzzing. Less pretending and more being, I guess.
Anyhow, the week was fun. I took my first ashtanga classes in French, and - VERY surprisingly - loved it. At first, hearing anatomical and poetic invocations in another language is very odd, even if it is your mother tongue, simply because it makes every word so much more intense and meaningful and creates a sharp presence. It felt as if I had been invited to connect with the 'plante de mes pieds' (soles of my feet) or 'mon bassin et le cote de mon torse' (my pelvis and the sides of my waist) for the first time. It felt as if I was trying for the first time ever to 'atteidre le ciel avec mes doigts' (reach for the sky with my fingers). Fascinating. Totally mind-blowing, and it made the ashtanga primary series, which I know fairly well, totally new and captivating. Jai Jai Monsieur Jois.
And then there was the food (and plenty of it), from amazing croissants and pains aux raisins (some sort of superior raisins roll with cream) to ecstatic and quasi-orgasmic salads and cheeses. And the wine, ricard and other caperinha… Strangely, though, I did not put on weight, and actually lost some. I definitely must check that 'why French women don't get fat' book, it may very well contain the details of a genetic miracle I do not know I am blessed with.
Then there was the falling in love, floating above the skies, and then crashing down in the depth of the Earth, all within 28 hours. Paris, they say, is the city of Love, and it most certainly is. From people kissing and holding (more than) hands at every corner of every street to the romance-filled face of the city, Love is everywhere. And whether you plan it or not, it is bound to fill your heart at some point. Now, if you happen to be like me (i.e., slightly dysfunctional, likely to systematically make the wrong choice, trusting, and still very much optimistic despite some pretty rough recent life lessons), don't expect not to be brushed (or rather crushed - that was the case this time around) by the sharp arrows of Cupid. I won't tell you more, just because I have written something about that amazing Love Story, which I am reworking and will post next week.
Stay tuned.
And then there was home. My real first home. Montauban, a small city in the South of France. Old (founded in 1144), tiny (50.000 souls at most), peaceful (any more peaceful, it would be dead), and charming (because it's … old, tiny and peaceful, you guessed it). I flew over to Toulouse to meet my parents on Saturday morning (after - I must avow - 2 hours of sleep), and was welcome by the background of my youth. Things have not changed, and because I have left years ago, I am glad they haven't. As scary as it can be to go back to the museum of your early years, where the 'why I needed to get out of here' exhibition is always on display, it is so grounding to go back. I love my parents. I love my sister. I love, most of all, my niece, Lola, and my nephew, Nathan. I love the grass. I love the fields. I love the horizon. I love the pace and lights. I would never live there again in this Incarnation, and I love it all the more because of that.
And then there was a last day in Paris again, with Guillaume, stuffing our faces with some of the best tapas in Europe (yes, they are not to be found in Spain :p) and amazing Sangria. A last night of chatting away until the wee hours of the night, talking about Life. Life. And Love. Our Dharma. The present that is in preparation in our hearts.
And then off to the airport (which, again, surprised me with its cleanliness and efficiency - WHAT HAPPENED TO MY COUNTRY????). And a bump-less flight to LA (Sweet Shankara, thank YOU!).
I am now in California, sitting at the Rose Café, my emotional bunker in this town. The Great Pacific Ocean is scintillating down the road like a million gems, and the wind is blowing my way. I went for a run this morning, and am now sipping tea, waiting for my adored, revered and dearly missed friend Gina, who's coming to help out with Shiva's teacher training as well. I will catch up with Seane Corn in a couple of hours and attend her class, before heading out for dinner.
More friends and amazing spaces for the next 10 days. I am blessed, grateful, and totally intent on sipping every drop of the glass of my Life until the glass is licked clean.
Jai!
Franck
'THAT is the true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it' (P. Coelho)
'Say what you like, do what you feel, you know exactly who you are. The time is right. Now, you got to decide: stand in the back or be the star' (Madonna)
The few days I spent in Paris were magical. Not the weather. Although, I have to say that I was invigorated, if not totally juiced up, by the cool windy weather. I finally was able to wear my best sweaters and jackets again, and felt like a million bucks in my old (read 'classic') winter clothes. My skin dried out, my gut is gone, all is good! But obviously, the real gift was to reconnect with all my friends, Guillaume, Sylvie, even Julien and Olivier. And it is then that I realized how much happier I am when I am surrounded by my tribe. My culture. My food! Not that I am significantly less happy whenever I am outside of France, but this is - against all odds and what I have chosen to believe for the last 10 years - home, after all. Life is sweet there, and so much less hectic, while still being completely captivating and buzzing. Less pretending and more being, I guess.
Anyhow, the week was fun. I took my first ashtanga classes in French, and - VERY surprisingly - loved it. At first, hearing anatomical and poetic invocations in another language is very odd, even if it is your mother tongue, simply because it makes every word so much more intense and meaningful and creates a sharp presence. It felt as if I had been invited to connect with the 'plante de mes pieds' (soles of my feet) or 'mon bassin et le cote de mon torse' (my pelvis and the sides of my waist) for the first time. It felt as if I was trying for the first time ever to 'atteidre le ciel avec mes doigts' (reach for the sky with my fingers). Fascinating. Totally mind-blowing, and it made the ashtanga primary series, which I know fairly well, totally new and captivating. Jai Jai Monsieur Jois.
And then there was the food (and plenty of it), from amazing croissants and pains aux raisins (some sort of superior raisins roll with cream) to ecstatic and quasi-orgasmic salads and cheeses. And the wine, ricard and other caperinha… Strangely, though, I did not put on weight, and actually lost some. I definitely must check that 'why French women don't get fat' book, it may very well contain the details of a genetic miracle I do not know I am blessed with.
Then there was the falling in love, floating above the skies, and then crashing down in the depth of the Earth, all within 28 hours. Paris, they say, is the city of Love, and it most certainly is. From people kissing and holding (more than) hands at every corner of every street to the romance-filled face of the city, Love is everywhere. And whether you plan it or not, it is bound to fill your heart at some point. Now, if you happen to be like me (i.e., slightly dysfunctional, likely to systematically make the wrong choice, trusting, and still very much optimistic despite some pretty rough recent life lessons), don't expect not to be brushed (or rather crushed - that was the case this time around) by the sharp arrows of Cupid. I won't tell you more, just because I have written something about that amazing Love Story, which I am reworking and will post next week.
Stay tuned.
And then there was home. My real first home. Montauban, a small city in the South of France. Old (founded in 1144), tiny (50.000 souls at most), peaceful (any more peaceful, it would be dead), and charming (because it's … old, tiny and peaceful, you guessed it). I flew over to Toulouse to meet my parents on Saturday morning (after - I must avow - 2 hours of sleep), and was welcome by the background of my youth. Things have not changed, and because I have left years ago, I am glad they haven't. As scary as it can be to go back to the museum of your early years, where the 'why I needed to get out of here' exhibition is always on display, it is so grounding to go back. I love my parents. I love my sister. I love, most of all, my niece, Lola, and my nephew, Nathan. I love the grass. I love the fields. I love the horizon. I love the pace and lights. I would never live there again in this Incarnation, and I love it all the more because of that.
And then there was a last day in Paris again, with Guillaume, stuffing our faces with some of the best tapas in Europe (yes, they are not to be found in Spain :p) and amazing Sangria. A last night of chatting away until the wee hours of the night, talking about Life. Life. And Love. Our Dharma. The present that is in preparation in our hearts.
And then off to the airport (which, again, surprised me with its cleanliness and efficiency - WHAT HAPPENED TO MY COUNTRY????). And a bump-less flight to LA (Sweet Shankara, thank YOU!).
I am now in California, sitting at the Rose Café, my emotional bunker in this town. The Great Pacific Ocean is scintillating down the road like a million gems, and the wind is blowing my way. I went for a run this morning, and am now sipping tea, waiting for my adored, revered and dearly missed friend Gina, who's coming to help out with Shiva's teacher training as well. I will catch up with Seane Corn in a couple of hours and attend her class, before heading out for dinner.
More friends and amazing spaces for the next 10 days. I am blessed, grateful, and totally intent on sipping every drop of the glass of my Life until the glass is licked clean.
Jai!
Franck
'THAT is the true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it' (P. Coelho)
'Say what you like, do what you feel, you know exactly who you are. The time is right. Now, you got to decide: stand in the back or be the star' (Madonna)
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