When things come to an end…

Life is a river. Often, we try to preempt its currents and depth, but more often than not, true healing occurs when we allow ourselves to bathe in its flow first, and let it indicate to us where things are going. Recently, I have been reminded that when we resolve our energetic issues and heal our Pranic wounds, things organically become clear, and the shift spontaneously happens.

For a long time, I have been in a sea of Change, that I had been willingly invoking, and that had proven necessary on so many levels. Nataraja was showering me with his blessings and taking me down the road I had never travelled.
But once things clear and the inner sky becomes bright enough, it is necessary to acknowledge that time has come to honor the shift, and move on.

The pain and inner winding I have been going through in the last year has been necessary, and has allowed more than one amazing thing to occur. Love has ended, and Love has come to me again. My plans have been shattered, and a new Life has emerged, unseen but inevitable. People have left, and new ones have arrived. Most importantly, I have changed, and time for recognition has come.

This week, I am parting from two of the strongest energies that have guided my Life in the last 6 years. Last week, I have taken the last steps towrds something that had become obvious and necessary. Nataraja, whom I worship and thank always, had to move on from me to other grounds that need his Sacred Dance of Destruction - for I no longer need it. He is out of my house for now, and the space left behind will be occupied by none other than me. I have new partners too, the Lover and the Goddess, but I am now ready to move into the center of my Life, and lead from this place of clarity. And today, the person who had blessed my Life with Love and Presence and Devotion and Patience for many years is going too. Officially, but also energetically. The closure has arrived and can no longer be denied.

And so, in 30 minutes, I will be going to the French Embassy to dissolve the last thing that needs to be dissolved: my legal union to my ex-Life Partner. We have given each other all that we had to give. Too much some will say, but all that there was. As Rumi says: ‘give everything that you are, knowing it is nothing’. And as we have, it is now time to honor the end of that Sacred Cycle, and let Peace take residence in our Lives.

In an hour, I will be officially single. I will not give myself away to the new Love that has blessed my Life. No. I will occupy that space wholly. Challenging as it is for me, I will learn to step into my Castle and refuse anyone else to be there besides Me. It will not be easy, because it has been my habit to lean on others or allow others to be supported by me. Thanks to energy healers, friends and my Sacred Self, I have been able to discover and inhabit my aura more than I ever have. And from the top of this mountain that I have newly climbed, I will Love, be loved, and let the Creativity, the Self-Trust and the Love for the Universe grow. With no more expectations and the resolution to be within, here and now.

The practice is only starting, but old as I am getting, it is about time.

When things come to an end, it is time to rest. And to invite the fragrant flowers into one’s heart.

With Trust and Faith.

All Love.

All ways.

IY

The Holy Void

I am alone. I am not single. I am alone.

But the heart space is pounding.

For months now, I have been surfing an unexpected river of Love, of devotion, of presence and of intense pleasure. Not a day goes by without my feeling whole and blessed. Not a day goes by that I look at my Life and see treasures to enjoy and light to bask in. The challenges and obstacles are there, but they seem to have been brought along only to highlight how much stronger the beauty of the Shri is. Every day, whether I am alone or not, I am never alone.
He who has entered the castle of my heart has come here to open my heart. And he does. I am so in Love, so with Love that I drown in the oddest mixture of grace and uncontrollable vibration. His name does not matter. His looks, most attractive and acutely endearing as they are, matter not. I am at peace and at play just standing by his side. I am swimming in heaven when I fall asleep against him, only to awake lost in the delightful trap of his arms and legs. I crave his body and lips and stare and voice and scent. I crave being who I am when he is around. Rarely have I felt so moved to be more of myself, to immerse deeper into the fullness of what I can be.

He is a practice, and a challenging one sometimes. Seeing him relish in his independence and observing people ignite in his proximity… I wish I could save this only for myself, but it is the very fact that he is of the world and in the world that makes me vibrate with Love. I will never own him, and in this, I have found freedom. I must feel content - and do - with the fact that he is giving me everything, except himself. He has pushed me into my Shakti, Goddess, territory, in ways no one had before. It is blissful, but the control-freak, shiva side of me is struggling to let go. To surrender and just receive. And through this building the foundation of a future together. Not keeping things close and tight with the sheer strength of my arms. Trusting. Myself before him or the Universe. Accepting that I can only immerse myself in the delight of the moment, as it is, a great grand fulfilling and overwhelmingly catalyst of joy, while refusing to save some for later. Holding the moment as it is, not freezing it to save it for tomorrow.

I have, through the Love that has emerged around us in this most unexpected relationship, been given the superb opportunity to practice acceptance and standing still in the frantic tremors of my Heart. I am scared often. But I need only remember who I am, and who he is, to feel safe that what needs to happen will happen. Even miracles. Especially miracles.

And so I love. Whether I am alone or I am with him.

I love.

Because that’s what I do best.