pale sunlight
pale the wall
love moves away,
the light changes
i need more grace
than i thought
- Rumi
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
The Sacred Place
A sacred place…
Bells ringing in the distance. Invocations being ushered through loudspeakers across the space. The rumor of the crowd, proceeding towards the sacred gateways. The bright lights cleansing the emptyspace above us. Sparse furniture. Incredibly high ceilings, that let the sunlight through here and there… A sense of isolation in this crowded place. A sense of being at peace, of being with the One, of being the One. At home, but in the home of the heart. Where everything meets. Lights, Soul, Eternity…
I am writing, at last, and again, from this place that has become one of the most sacred for me in this last year.
Of all places… Really.
Really…
Come on…
Yes!
Bangkok's Suvarnabhumi airport.
Same coffee place as many times this year. Same seat as many times this year. Same inspiration and inner opening to the infinite as many times this year.
What, of all places, makes a space, like this place, confined to the extent of what my ipod lets through, Sacred to me? Is Sacred anything we make Sacred? Does the Sacred actually arise from within?
Here is what makes THIS place Sacred to me. Like no other.
It all started this year. Flying over to Japan with Shiva to assist her for a week-end and connecting through BKK. As I had left home, I had had one of the most challenging discussion in my Life ever. My beloved, then, and I had realized, not accepted, nor decided, but realized that we needed space. That our Sacred union was no longer bearing fruits or giving us a sense of fullness. My heart full of a terrifying and complex mesh of emotions that I could not make sense of, not even contemplate, I deplaned in BKK for a 4 hours stop over, and I sat. With my journal. And I sat. And felt. Felt with such intensity. What was there to be felt. And that was a defining moment of my year. Sitting on this seat, letting the energy move through me, painfully. Not refusing the harshness of it all, not judging my clasping and anger and devotion. Not even watching it really. Feeling. As my Tradition teaches us to meditate: let feelings unfold and stay with them until your have absorbed them in the space of the heart. And this is how an awe-inspiring and terrifying outpour of emotions started transforming that random seat in a neutral café in BKK's airport into a Temple of my Heart. A Sacred place.
Today still, I feel here, in this amazing space, the waves of energy that washed through me 8 months ago… 8 months. Today. Exactly today. I just realized today that today is 8 months to the day from that sacred day when I left my expectations. When I checked in my former life at the airport, and that ONE luggage got lost for good and never made its way back to me. A former Life that I worship without regretting it.
And again I flew through BKK in April, on my way to Japan again, with Catherine. My dearest friend… And then too, energy moved through me. Loss. The reality has sunk in, and the prospect of building a new Life, was dawning on me. And God was I trying hard not to consciously resist that Change, when all I was instinctually drawn to was digging my heels in the pranic sand of my emotional desert and, well, RESIST. I had met someone in Japan, and knowing that this would probably not lead to nothing, I had been reminded that I would have to go out into the world of dating again, and meet people, and put my Self out there and yuk, yuk yuk build something. Again, I was alone in that same café in BKK's airport, and feelings were still intense. I remember thinking: how do I make sense of this amazing new play of actions that I really really really did not want and that I still do not want to have to deal with? Why do I have to do this? Do I even have a choice? How does my spiritual practice apply to this? Oh well, easy one this time around. The Gita is clear. Do not refuse the terms and conditions of your embodiment. You are a soldier? Then fight! You are a corporate manager? Then manage (ethically)! You are a householder and a lover? Then hold that house and Love! Love. That was the word. I had to let Love run through me again. With the risk of losing it - again. Of being hurt and falling flat on my face. Again. AGAIN! AGAIN!
And then again, that seat took an even more intense pranic charge, as I let my feeling mind, that sacred heart consciousness, hridaya, take over the process.
In BKK's airport.
And then again, here I was in August. Unexpectedly. I was bound to India but a few days before departing, my dearest friend Annie and I decided to change our plans and make our way to Ayuthaya instead, the former Thai capital. Why? We will never know. All I know is we were both destined to sit in a certain outdoor temple complex, in a small shrine dedicated to a huge thin Buddha, and find a sacred yoni, buried deep in the Earth below an amazing Temple. And receive Sacred pranic slaps in our faces for the whole duration of the trip. Being told who we were. Realizing what we were not. Making peace with what we could certainly be but never would. Because it was not the dharma of this Sacred Embodied Incarnation. Intensity. Talk about intensity! Om Tat Sat.
And as I left (and waited for my delayed flight for 8 hours in my Sacred airport), I had time to look down into the Sacred Lake of my heart again. So much complexity had been dissolved. So much clarity had arisen. So much acceptance had come up in my heart. That was big: I had transmuted the pain, not dissolved it. And there was still Love. Infinite Oceans of Love. For myself, to start with, but also for my former Beloved. Still. With the acceptance that this Love would never be consumed, but would never die. Knowing. That amazingly powerful energy of knowing, at last. Jnana. Which I had oh so many times discounted as useless. The experience of sacred knowledge. Not wisdom, just knowing what is. Not the future, but what is to be known now. Or for now.
And again that seat, that café, BKK's airport. And for the very first time in a very long time. A smile. Faint. But a smile. On the corner of my lips. Because, very much because, as I had told to my pranic wife in LA a few weeks before (and for those of you who have explored the sacred scripture Vjnana Bhairava Tantra - I told her what I needed to hear, so I could remember it), everything is going to be just fine. Just fine. Fine. And knowing this. Not believing anymore but knowing, in some sacred place in me, was all I needed to gain. And I did.
And today, here I am again. November. BKK airport, same seat, same café. I feel, as I am writing these words, that I have been on a pilgrimage this year. A circumambulation around my Heart. A sacred journey to the infinite space of the Universe inside me. A discovery into a remembrance of my Self. And as I sit, once more, in that Sacred Temple of my existence, I contemplate, with peace and gratitude where I am. On so many levels, I am in a place of full resonance with the Universe, inclusive of its challenges and my fuck-ups. I am embodied to be here, and to go through these meandrous rivers of Experience. Because the remembrance of the Self, the splendorous recognition of being the One, lies in experience. Especially in the sharp and dark corners of existence. As someone told me long ago, the greatest light is to be found in the greatest darkness. And as darkness breaks, great Love and Ecstasy pours through, like juice out of a ripe orange. In the shape of so many things that we did not expect. For me, in the embodied light of He who Loves me to insanity right now.
As I sit one more time in this airport, I realize I am not a super-hero. I am nothing special. I am just a Lover. I am a struggling actor of my Life, with the volition, the iccha Shakti, to leap into the Fire and never resist it anymore.
Time heals burns and wounds. What is combusted beyond recoverability was needed to let go of. Discard the old so you can cultivate the new.
In peace, in ecstasy, in joyous Love. In harmony. In intensity. In the fire.
Closing with Rumi, as always:
'Go forward, knowing the path will vanish under you
Open your arms, knowing they will burn away
Give everything you are, knowing it is nothing
Bathe always in His river, even when it's blood.'
And Madonna, in style:
"To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give. That takes courage, because we don't want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt.
Bells ringing in the distance. Invocations being ushered through loudspeakers across the space. The rumor of the crowd, proceeding towards the sacred gateways. The bright lights cleansing the emptyspace above us. Sparse furniture. Incredibly high ceilings, that let the sunlight through here and there… A sense of isolation in this crowded place. A sense of being at peace, of being with the One, of being the One. At home, but in the home of the heart. Where everything meets. Lights, Soul, Eternity…
I am writing, at last, and again, from this place that has become one of the most sacred for me in this last year.
Of all places… Really.
Really…
Come on…
Yes!
Bangkok's Suvarnabhumi airport.
Same coffee place as many times this year. Same seat as many times this year. Same inspiration and inner opening to the infinite as many times this year.
What, of all places, makes a space, like this place, confined to the extent of what my ipod lets through, Sacred to me? Is Sacred anything we make Sacred? Does the Sacred actually arise from within?
Here is what makes THIS place Sacred to me. Like no other.
It all started this year. Flying over to Japan with Shiva to assist her for a week-end and connecting through BKK. As I had left home, I had had one of the most challenging discussion in my Life ever. My beloved, then, and I had realized, not accepted, nor decided, but realized that we needed space. That our Sacred union was no longer bearing fruits or giving us a sense of fullness. My heart full of a terrifying and complex mesh of emotions that I could not make sense of, not even contemplate, I deplaned in BKK for a 4 hours stop over, and I sat. With my journal. And I sat. And felt. Felt with such intensity. What was there to be felt. And that was a defining moment of my year. Sitting on this seat, letting the energy move through me, painfully. Not refusing the harshness of it all, not judging my clasping and anger and devotion. Not even watching it really. Feeling. As my Tradition teaches us to meditate: let feelings unfold and stay with them until your have absorbed them in the space of the heart. And this is how an awe-inspiring and terrifying outpour of emotions started transforming that random seat in a neutral café in BKK's airport into a Temple of my Heart. A Sacred place.
Today still, I feel here, in this amazing space, the waves of energy that washed through me 8 months ago… 8 months. Today. Exactly today. I just realized today that today is 8 months to the day from that sacred day when I left my expectations. When I checked in my former life at the airport, and that ONE luggage got lost for good and never made its way back to me. A former Life that I worship without regretting it.
And again I flew through BKK in April, on my way to Japan again, with Catherine. My dearest friend… And then too, energy moved through me. Loss. The reality has sunk in, and the prospect of building a new Life, was dawning on me. And God was I trying hard not to consciously resist that Change, when all I was instinctually drawn to was digging my heels in the pranic sand of my emotional desert and, well, RESIST. I had met someone in Japan, and knowing that this would probably not lead to nothing, I had been reminded that I would have to go out into the world of dating again, and meet people, and put my Self out there and yuk, yuk yuk build something. Again, I was alone in that same café in BKK's airport, and feelings were still intense. I remember thinking: how do I make sense of this amazing new play of actions that I really really really did not want and that I still do not want to have to deal with? Why do I have to do this? Do I even have a choice? How does my spiritual practice apply to this? Oh well, easy one this time around. The Gita is clear. Do not refuse the terms and conditions of your embodiment. You are a soldier? Then fight! You are a corporate manager? Then manage (ethically)! You are a householder and a lover? Then hold that house and Love! Love. That was the word. I had to let Love run through me again. With the risk of losing it - again. Of being hurt and falling flat on my face. Again. AGAIN! AGAIN!
And then again, that seat took an even more intense pranic charge, as I let my feeling mind, that sacred heart consciousness, hridaya, take over the process.
In BKK's airport.
And then again, here I was in August. Unexpectedly. I was bound to India but a few days before departing, my dearest friend Annie and I decided to change our plans and make our way to Ayuthaya instead, the former Thai capital. Why? We will never know. All I know is we were both destined to sit in a certain outdoor temple complex, in a small shrine dedicated to a huge thin Buddha, and find a sacred yoni, buried deep in the Earth below an amazing Temple. And receive Sacred pranic slaps in our faces for the whole duration of the trip. Being told who we were. Realizing what we were not. Making peace with what we could certainly be but never would. Because it was not the dharma of this Sacred Embodied Incarnation. Intensity. Talk about intensity! Om Tat Sat.
And as I left (and waited for my delayed flight for 8 hours in my Sacred airport), I had time to look down into the Sacred Lake of my heart again. So much complexity had been dissolved. So much clarity had arisen. So much acceptance had come up in my heart. That was big: I had transmuted the pain, not dissolved it. And there was still Love. Infinite Oceans of Love. For myself, to start with, but also for my former Beloved. Still. With the acceptance that this Love would never be consumed, but would never die. Knowing. That amazingly powerful energy of knowing, at last. Jnana. Which I had oh so many times discounted as useless. The experience of sacred knowledge. Not wisdom, just knowing what is. Not the future, but what is to be known now. Or for now.
And again that seat, that café, BKK's airport. And for the very first time in a very long time. A smile. Faint. But a smile. On the corner of my lips. Because, very much because, as I had told to my pranic wife in LA a few weeks before (and for those of you who have explored the sacred scripture Vjnana Bhairava Tantra - I told her what I needed to hear, so I could remember it), everything is going to be just fine. Just fine. Fine. And knowing this. Not believing anymore but knowing, in some sacred place in me, was all I needed to gain. And I did.
And today, here I am again. November. BKK airport, same seat, same café. I feel, as I am writing these words, that I have been on a pilgrimage this year. A circumambulation around my Heart. A sacred journey to the infinite space of the Universe inside me. A discovery into a remembrance of my Self. And as I sit, once more, in that Sacred Temple of my existence, I contemplate, with peace and gratitude where I am. On so many levels, I am in a place of full resonance with the Universe, inclusive of its challenges and my fuck-ups. I am embodied to be here, and to go through these meandrous rivers of Experience. Because the remembrance of the Self, the splendorous recognition of being the One, lies in experience. Especially in the sharp and dark corners of existence. As someone told me long ago, the greatest light is to be found in the greatest darkness. And as darkness breaks, great Love and Ecstasy pours through, like juice out of a ripe orange. In the shape of so many things that we did not expect. For me, in the embodied light of He who Loves me to insanity right now.
As I sit one more time in this airport, I realize I am not a super-hero. I am nothing special. I am just a Lover. I am a struggling actor of my Life, with the volition, the iccha Shakti, to leap into the Fire and never resist it anymore.
Time heals burns and wounds. What is combusted beyond recoverability was needed to let go of. Discard the old so you can cultivate the new.
In peace, in ecstasy, in joyous Love. In harmony. In intensity. In the fire.
Closing with Rumi, as always:
'Go forward, knowing the path will vanish under you
Open your arms, knowing they will burn away
Give everything you are, knowing it is nothing
Bathe always in His river, even when it's blood.'
And Madonna, in style:
"To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give. That takes courage, because we don't want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
What do you do?
What do you do when you feel a river run through you? What do you do when your mind is fogged with the most ecstatic clouds in the sky? What do you do when your heart is so fully dedicated to another that nothing else can step into it, or come out of it? What do you do when you are, quite literally, intoxicated with Love? What do you do when you are unable to move, plan, process and even eat? What do you do? When Love strike in all its splendor and intensity?
When your waken dreams are making you unable to function? What do you do when you want to own something that you do not want to possess? Because you want to be possessed? What do you do when you don't expect it and Love meets you? When you are overwhelmed with desire, dedication and merging energies? What do you do?
You bathe in it, immerse yourself fully in the experience. Accept that Life's rhythm, suddenly, gets interrupted and that the river runs through you, while all other streams dry up. You do not observe. You jump into that ocean. You do not meditate on it. You accept the experience of it as the meditative process. You drink of that cup with full intention and surrender...
And you smile. Faintly. Inwardly. As the sun in your heart reflects the light of the Lover into your Soul. And the moonlight casts its blue light over the pathways of your destiny.
What do you do?
You don't think.
You breathe.
You live.
You love.
Like this...
De cara a la pared...
Rumi says...
If anyone asks you
how the perfect satisfaction
of all our sexual wanting
will look, lift your face
and say,
Like this.
When someone mentions the gracefulness
of the night sky, climb up on the roof
and dance and say,
Like this?
If anyone wants to know what "spirit" is,
or what "God's fragrance" means,
lean your head toward him or her.
Keep your face there close.
Like this.
When someone quotes the old poetic image
about clouds gradually uncovering the moon,
slowly loosen knot by knot the strings
of your robe.
Like this?
If anyone wonders how Jesus raised the dead,
don't try to explain the miracle.
Kiss me on the lips.
Like this. Like this.
When someone asks what it means
to "die for love," point
here.
If someone asks how tall I am, frown
and measure with your fingers the space
between the creases on your forehead.
This tall.
The soul sometimes leaves the body, then returns.
When someone doesn't believe that,
walk back into my house.
Like this.
When lovers moan,
they're telling our story.
Like this.
I am a sky where spirits live.
Stare into this deepening blue,
while the breeze says a secret.
Like this.
When someone asks what there is to do,
light the candle in his hand.
Like this.
How did Joseph's scent come to Jacob?
Huuuu.
How did Jacob's sight return?
Huuuuu.
A little wind cleans the eyes.
Like this.
When Shams comes back from Tabriz,
he'll put just his head around the edge
of the door to surprise us.
Like this
Lhasa says...
Llorando
De cara a la pared
Se para la ciudad
Llorando
Y no hay mas,
Muero quizas
Ha! Donde estas
Sonando
De cara a la pared
Se quema la ciudad
Sonando
Sin respirar
Te quiero amor
Te quiero amor
Rezando
De cara a la pared
Se hunde la ciudad
Rezando
Santa Maria
Santa Maria
Santa Maria
When your waken dreams are making you unable to function? What do you do when you want to own something that you do not want to possess? Because you want to be possessed? What do you do when you don't expect it and Love meets you? When you are overwhelmed with desire, dedication and merging energies? What do you do?
You bathe in it, immerse yourself fully in the experience. Accept that Life's rhythm, suddenly, gets interrupted and that the river runs through you, while all other streams dry up. You do not observe. You jump into that ocean. You do not meditate on it. You accept the experience of it as the meditative process. You drink of that cup with full intention and surrender...
And you smile. Faintly. Inwardly. As the sun in your heart reflects the light of the Lover into your Soul. And the moonlight casts its blue light over the pathways of your destiny.
What do you do?
You don't think.
You breathe.
You live.
You love.
Like this...
De cara a la pared...
Rumi says...
If anyone asks you
how the perfect satisfaction
of all our sexual wanting
will look, lift your face
and say,
Like this.
When someone mentions the gracefulness
of the night sky, climb up on the roof
and dance and say,
Like this?
If anyone wants to know what "spirit" is,
or what "God's fragrance" means,
lean your head toward him or her.
Keep your face there close.
Like this.
When someone quotes the old poetic image
about clouds gradually uncovering the moon,
slowly loosen knot by knot the strings
of your robe.
Like this?
If anyone wonders how Jesus raised the dead,
don't try to explain the miracle.
Kiss me on the lips.
Like this. Like this.
When someone asks what it means
to "die for love," point
here.
If someone asks how tall I am, frown
and measure with your fingers the space
between the creases on your forehead.
This tall.
The soul sometimes leaves the body, then returns.
When someone doesn't believe that,
walk back into my house.
Like this.
When lovers moan,
they're telling our story.
Like this.
I am a sky where spirits live.
Stare into this deepening blue,
while the breeze says a secret.
Like this.
When someone asks what there is to do,
light the candle in his hand.
Like this.
How did Joseph's scent come to Jacob?
Huuuu.
How did Jacob's sight return?
Huuuuu.
A little wind cleans the eyes.
Like this.
When Shams comes back from Tabriz,
he'll put just his head around the edge
of the door to surprise us.
Like this
Lhasa says...
Llorando
De cara a la pared
Se para la ciudad
Llorando
Y no hay mas,
Muero quizas
Ha! Donde estas
Sonando
De cara a la pared
Se quema la ciudad
Sonando
Sin respirar
Te quiero amor
Te quiero amor
Rezando
De cara a la pared
Se hunde la ciudad
Rezando
Santa Maria
Santa Maria
Santa Maria
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Om Para Shaktiye Namaha
The Ocean is behind me, a great looking vegan dinner ahead of me. I spent the last few days - already - immersed in the lectures of an AMAZING Tantra teacher, Paul Muller Ortega, who is educating us, inspiring us and filling us with Damaru, the Creation power of Nataraja, the Cosmic Dancer incarnation of Lord Shiva.
Shiva, the Earthly one, my dearest teacher, is driving the students through ecstatic movements in the morning. So much to share in a few words, as my internet connection is limited. Lassia, Tandava. The combination of Shakti, subtle and radical, sweet and strong. Whole, but multiple.
I am in bliss, as always, as my dearest friends are around me, Shiva is blessing me with her teaching and fun, we are spending HOURS in the healing sulfuric baths of Esalen, which have been in use by native american tribes for years.
The fun is never ending: the lodge where the assistants' team sleep is... haunted. At least I am haunted. I was woken up on night 1 by someone walking on me. No one was there when i opened my eyes. Same last night, TWICE! And I was told today, as I asked the locals, that our dome, which is our room, is built on burrying ground. Of course. Lucky me. So now everyone asked me to talk to them tonight and see what 'they' want from me.
Anyhow, the Ocean is amazing. I am totally ecstatic, mind-blown by the teachings of Paul. Prashakti. The greatest. The source, of which there is no higher. The obligation to speak. To respond to the tickling of iccha shakti, will, determination. Never to stop talking and telling the truth, so that Saraswati, the incarnation that sits on our tongue, and controls the Flow of our speech, can reveal the Truth, sometimes harsh, sometimes not welcome, to our world.
Saraswati is the vehicle of Para Shakti, and self-censoring yourself, in words or action, is considering that the will and purpose of the Goddess is not important enough for respect or revelation. Ah, that makes a whole difference doesn't it? Speaking and teaching and revealing and expressing becomes an act of courage and love, as opposed to an act of immaturity.
So much more to come.
I am missing teaching. I am missing all of you guys. I am missing so many things. My beloved Marcel and Totoro, and for those who know, and wish to care, Jalil.
Words of Grace are the supreme Vehicle of Para. May they pour.
Om Namah Shivaya!
Om Namah Shivaya!
Om Namah Shivaya!
Shiva, the Earthly one, my dearest teacher, is driving the students through ecstatic movements in the morning. So much to share in a few words, as my internet connection is limited. Lassia, Tandava. The combination of Shakti, subtle and radical, sweet and strong. Whole, but multiple.
I am in bliss, as always, as my dearest friends are around me, Shiva is blessing me with her teaching and fun, we are spending HOURS in the healing sulfuric baths of Esalen, which have been in use by native american tribes for years.
The fun is never ending: the lodge where the assistants' team sleep is... haunted. At least I am haunted. I was woken up on night 1 by someone walking on me. No one was there when i opened my eyes. Same last night, TWICE! And I was told today, as I asked the locals, that our dome, which is our room, is built on burrying ground. Of course. Lucky me. So now everyone asked me to talk to them tonight and see what 'they' want from me.
Anyhow, the Ocean is amazing. I am totally ecstatic, mind-blown by the teachings of Paul. Prashakti. The greatest. The source, of which there is no higher. The obligation to speak. To respond to the tickling of iccha shakti, will, determination. Never to stop talking and telling the truth, so that Saraswati, the incarnation that sits on our tongue, and controls the Flow of our speech, can reveal the Truth, sometimes harsh, sometimes not welcome, to our world.
Saraswati is the vehicle of Para Shakti, and self-censoring yourself, in words or action, is considering that the will and purpose of the Goddess is not important enough for respect or revelation. Ah, that makes a whole difference doesn't it? Speaking and teaching and revealing and expressing becomes an act of courage and love, as opposed to an act of immaturity.
So much more to come.
I am missing teaching. I am missing all of you guys. I am missing so many things. My beloved Marcel and Totoro, and for those who know, and wish to care, Jalil.
Words of Grace are the supreme Vehicle of Para. May they pour.
Om Namah Shivaya!
Om Namah Shivaya!
Om Namah Shivaya!
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Jai ma Shakti! Navaratri
Om Namah Shivaya!
After a month on the road, and numerous adventures, I have come back to Singapore. The last couple of weeks have been amazing. Lead-assisting Shiva's teacher training in LA was blissful and ecstatic, though definitely not a walk in the park. An unexpected but transcending, I mean TRANSCENDING initiation into the path of Shaivism, several cathartic moments in meditation and practice, the bliss of being in a perfect spot with my dearest friends, and of course, participating to the Yoga Journal Conference in the awesome mountains of Colorado, covering both the Grand Anusara gathering and the Main Conference. Reconnecting with dear friends and teachers and making new ones have made the last 2 weeks... ABUNDANTLY EXCITING!
And now back home. And much to do.
But the big piece that I want to share with you, yogis and yoginis, is that while I was airborne somewhere between LA, Paris and Singapore, the great cycle of the Tantric ritual of Navaratri started. Navaratri is a devotional ritual inviting us all to renewal and alignment with the greatest Energies of the Universe. Beginning on September 30th, Tuesday until next Thursday, Shakti is celebrated for nine (nava) ratris (nights). For three days each, the form of the purifying force of Durga-Kali, the manifesting abundance of Maha Lakshmi and the creative wisdom of Saraswati are celebrated by hundreds of millions of Bhaktis all around the world. Whether you have been celebrating this amazing engagement of the creative nature of our Life for many years, or this is your first time, do not miss this amazing ritual process of connecting authentically to the power of Shakti. There are specific cycles, invoking different aspects of the Divine Mother:
- Days 1-3 (Tuesday -Thursday) Purification of Inner and Outer Obstacles on the Spritual Path with Durga
- Days 4-6 (Friday - Sunday) Worshiping the Healing Beauty and Abundance of Maha Lakshmi
- Days 7-9 (Monday-Wednesday) Awakening the Divine Wisdom and Creativity of Saraswati Ma
- Day 10 Victory of Shakti
Here are some suggestions for entering this ritual cycle with universal awareness:
- Create a sacred space: if you do not have an altar at home, now is the time to start. If you have one, clean it, reactivate it, devote yourself to it and place fresh flowers, incense and energy into it. Use colors, statues, scents that connect you with the power of the divine mother and feel no tension about what goes into it: this sacred space is utterly personal and need relate only to your vision of the Divine Mother
- Living daily practices: Before or after your meditation, pray and journal upon the qualities of Shakti that you can call in from the macrocosmic process to have effect within the microcosm of your being. Allow the shakti forces of purification, nuturing, creation and manifestation to reveal to you how to align with your highest vision in action for collective evolution. Not only write, pray and meditate but live what you are ritually invoking in your thought, speech, actions imbued with the love of life and the mother. Visit your local temple, like I did this morning, and devote yourself to Ma Shakti, in the form of mantras, prayers, prostrations, meditation, rituals or a simple visualization.
- Specific invocations for the dedication cycles: Chanting of kirtan for the divine mother in the form of Durga-Kali, Sri Laxmi Ma, and Saraswati, Chanting and listening of the Lalita Sahasranama (I will play this in class until next Thursday), chanting with Japa Mala 18-27-54 or 108 rounds of the dedicated mantras (see below)
Throughout the duration of the festival, I will dedicate each class to the aspect of the Goddess that we are within, starting with Ma Durga today. I will bring my usual 'mobile altar' along and we will start class with dedications to the mother, followed by a Sadhana (asana and meditation) invoking the inner reflection of Ma Shakti. In other words, be ready for backbendorama, with a twist (or more).
Here are the mantras for each cyle:
- Durga Ma (also known as Chamundi): Aim Hrim Klim Chamundayai Vicche or Om Dum Durgayai Namaha
- Lakshmi Ma: Om Shrim Maha Lakshimaye Namaha
- Saraswati Ma: Om Aim Saraswataye Namaha
Fasting in a way that is appropriate from a complete fast on fruits to eating vegetarian food to giving up regressive foods for your system is also traditionally part of Navaratri.
Let's all get ready for a week long of powerful dedications and practices, culminating in a Fire Sadhana next Thursday night for the Victory of Shakti!
Jai jai jai Ma Shakti!
Franck
PS: thanks to Ma Shiva for the info on Navaratri.
After a month on the road, and numerous adventures, I have come back to Singapore. The last couple of weeks have been amazing. Lead-assisting Shiva's teacher training in LA was blissful and ecstatic, though definitely not a walk in the park. An unexpected but transcending, I mean TRANSCENDING initiation into the path of Shaivism, several cathartic moments in meditation and practice, the bliss of being in a perfect spot with my dearest friends, and of course, participating to the Yoga Journal Conference in the awesome mountains of Colorado, covering both the Grand Anusara gathering and the Main Conference. Reconnecting with dear friends and teachers and making new ones have made the last 2 weeks... ABUNDANTLY EXCITING!
And now back home. And much to do.
But the big piece that I want to share with you, yogis and yoginis, is that while I was airborne somewhere between LA, Paris and Singapore, the great cycle of the Tantric ritual of Navaratri started. Navaratri is a devotional ritual inviting us all to renewal and alignment with the greatest Energies of the Universe. Beginning on September 30th, Tuesday until next Thursday, Shakti is celebrated for nine (nava) ratris (nights). For three days each, the form of the purifying force of Durga-Kali, the manifesting abundance of Maha Lakshmi and the creative wisdom of Saraswati are celebrated by hundreds of millions of Bhaktis all around the world. Whether you have been celebrating this amazing engagement of the creative nature of our Life for many years, or this is your first time, do not miss this amazing ritual process of connecting authentically to the power of Shakti. There are specific cycles, invoking different aspects of the Divine Mother:
- Days 1-3 (Tuesday -Thursday) Purification of Inner and Outer Obstacles on the Spritual Path with Durga
- Days 4-6 (Friday - Sunday) Worshiping the Healing Beauty and Abundance of Maha Lakshmi
- Days 7-9 (Monday-Wednesday) Awakening the Divine Wisdom and Creativity of Saraswati Ma
- Day 10 Victory of Shakti
Here are some suggestions for entering this ritual cycle with universal awareness:
- Create a sacred space: if you do not have an altar at home, now is the time to start. If you have one, clean it, reactivate it, devote yourself to it and place fresh flowers, incense and energy into it. Use colors, statues, scents that connect you with the power of the divine mother and feel no tension about what goes into it: this sacred space is utterly personal and need relate only to your vision of the Divine Mother
- Living daily practices: Before or after your meditation, pray and journal upon the qualities of Shakti that you can call in from the macrocosmic process to have effect within the microcosm of your being. Allow the shakti forces of purification, nuturing, creation and manifestation to reveal to you how to align with your highest vision in action for collective evolution. Not only write, pray and meditate but live what you are ritually invoking in your thought, speech, actions imbued with the love of life and the mother. Visit your local temple, like I did this morning, and devote yourself to Ma Shakti, in the form of mantras, prayers, prostrations, meditation, rituals or a simple visualization.
- Specific invocations for the dedication cycles: Chanting of kirtan for the divine mother in the form of Durga-Kali, Sri Laxmi Ma, and Saraswati, Chanting and listening of the Lalita Sahasranama (I will play this in class until next Thursday), chanting with Japa Mala 18-27-54 or 108 rounds of the dedicated mantras (see below)
Throughout the duration of the festival, I will dedicate each class to the aspect of the Goddess that we are within, starting with Ma Durga today. I will bring my usual 'mobile altar' along and we will start class with dedications to the mother, followed by a Sadhana (asana and meditation) invoking the inner reflection of Ma Shakti. In other words, be ready for backbendorama, with a twist (or more).
Here are the mantras for each cyle:
- Durga Ma (also known as Chamundi): Aim Hrim Klim Chamundayai Vicche or Om Dum Durgayai Namaha
- Lakshmi Ma: Om Shrim Maha Lakshimaye Namaha
- Saraswati Ma: Om Aim Saraswataye Namaha
Fasting in a way that is appropriate from a complete fast on fruits to eating vegetarian food to giving up regressive foods for your system is also traditionally part of Navaratri.
Let's all get ready for a week long of powerful dedications and practices, culminating in a Fire Sadhana next Thursday night for the Victory of Shakti!
Jai jai jai Ma Shakti!
Franck
PS: thanks to Ma Shiva for the info on Navaratri.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Why do we love who we love?
Why do we love who we love?
Love conquers all. Or at least we like to think so. And it probably does. In action movies, poems, some novels, many songs and, to some extent, Life. Or in mine at least.
So while I am airborne halfway between Paris and Los Angeles (and we say hi to Cat in Montreal as we fly over her head), let's play a game. I will play it publicly in this blog, because that's what gladly dysfunctional people like me (and most other yoga teachers) do, and because I see otherwise very little interest in writing a blog if you are not willing to be daring, creative or borderline inappropriate. As for you, you will play that game in the comfort of your own privacy, at home.
So here are the rules, which involve a heart-centered meditation (this IS, after all, a yoga-inspired page). Before you go on and read my prose, I invite you to sit down, close your eyes, breathe and exhale softly though your parted lips. Allow your heart to depressurize and soften. Bring the breath to the root of your spine. Keep the vibration there for a few slow, long, deep, relaxed breaths. When you are conscious of the energy resting there, allow your breath to rise up towards your heart, little by little, up and down, without letting it go any higher towards your head. And let the face, or smell, or voice, of each one of these 3 people spontaneously rise in you. Write whatever comes down. Don't judge. Let the Flow circulate. You may be surprised as to who and what comes up, they may not seem to be the most important people in your life today, and maybe they're not, but they are here now to teach you something very specific.
Then daydream, ponder, and let yourself go back to the deep roots of what allowed Love for that being to be unleashed. What music played in your heart? What vibration did they instill in you? What did they allow you to envision that you did not know was possible?
Here I go:
Person #1: my beloved ex
You are me. In you, I see a reflection of me, of my love, of my past, and of what I can accomplish. You are my wave, and I am your rock. You crash onto me and you soften my sharp edges. You are so ever present in everything, that I still wonder whether I can live without you. You have been the ground upon which I stand and the stars up to which I gaze. You have allowed me the hope and strength to manifest all that has arisen through me until now. You allowed my love to change without ever changing who you are. For all that, I love you. And for being real enough to notice the moment when we needed space. You were a visionary in realizing that we were too necessary to one another to realistically accomplish our respective dharmas, and rise. What liberated us bound us. What had made us grow as tall as giants had put a ceiling over our heads. You saw that. I didn't. And for that too, I love you. Into your eyes, my face remains. Always.
Person #2: my pranic wife
We met totally randomly in Venice, brought together by Coral Dear, and just for that, I knew I was going to love you. But then, you started shining your light, like a rising sun, over a calm ocean. Your smile and giggles started and have not ended yet. I love you. In that breakfast joint on Abbot. In that sweat lodge. Your silliness and simplicity, distracting one's attention from your intelligence and amazingly intense experience of this world. Your humility, intertwined with a total lack of shame. Your eyes, which open right into God. Your ability to manifest into the material plane all the Consciousness that overflows in your heart (is that Prakrti or WHAT?). Your strength and groundedness. But most of all, your fragility. Your truthfulness. Your tears. Your heart calling for me. When mine calls for you. Hugging you. Kissing you. Because I love you.
'You probably think I'm crazy, I don't want you to save me, don't mean to disappoint you, I 've never felt so free. If you could stand in my shoes, then you would feel my heart beat too.' (Heartbeat/Hard Candy). That's how I felt when I met you.
Person #3: the one who came out of nowhere and revived my heart (and then broke it, all in 28 hours)
I did not know we would meet until 15 minutes before we were introduced. I saw you and thought to myself 'nice, really nice'. And then we spoke, downstairs, in that 'shower bar' in Paris' 4th (and no, curious reader, I will tell you more about that place, it would not be appropriate in these pages :p) and you won me over. Completely smoothly. You made my heart beat. My face smile. My hands nervous, My mind race and my fires ignite. Out of the blue, unexpectedly, between a hand brushing a stranger's arm and a Desperado, I felt it. That vibration that I know so well. That sacred tremor. That Spanda that I am so intimate with I had to get it tattooed on my right arm. Love. Not for what we have been. Which has been, truly, barely nothing. But rather for what you made me feel and dream of. When the curtains of impossibility is pulled down in a second and everything, everything is totally doable again because of that one moment, one thing only exists that wholly captivated our mind. Love. Not (just) romance or sentimentality, but that primal irresistible pulsation at the root of the spine. That which makes us felt blissful. That which invoked that kiss in the crypt of this amazing Paris church. The hands constantly looking for each other. I love you for the song that you made my heart sing. Despite that which I am not sure about but which froze that pulsation. And brought me (I don't know you ever traveled as far as I did) to a halt. And for that broken heart. I thank you. With all my sacred breath. My heart is not dead. I can completely overreact and shoot up to the moon in 28 hours. To crash at its surface, ok, but shoot up, still. I love you. And to answer, again, your question of that first night, yes, I like romance. A lot. And I would have loved to get a change to give you a taste of it.
Done.
Those of you who are natural artists, whether you sing whenever you are alone, whether you act, whether you secretly write thousands of words each day, whether you paint life-size canvasses in your dreams or small cartoons in the corner of your pages, those of you will understand that I do not have a choice but to write these lines. And that I must have someone read them. I do not have a choice, if I choose liberation. And as the spanda of creation and expression rises, there is no outcome possible but to let it rise, besides spiritual suicide.
So as love rose, so did the pen.
So today, before you go to bed, love someone. In full consciousness and liberation. And tell them. Whisper it in their ear, write a letter or call them.
Love.
Love conquers all. Or at least we like to think so. And it probably does. In action movies, poems, some novels, many songs and, to some extent, Life. Or in mine at least.
So while I am airborne halfway between Paris and Los Angeles (and we say hi to Cat in Montreal as we fly over her head), let's play a game. I will play it publicly in this blog, because that's what gladly dysfunctional people like me (and most other yoga teachers) do, and because I see otherwise very little interest in writing a blog if you are not willing to be daring, creative or borderline inappropriate. As for you, you will play that game in the comfort of your own privacy, at home.
So here are the rules, which involve a heart-centered meditation (this IS, after all, a yoga-inspired page). Before you go on and read my prose, I invite you to sit down, close your eyes, breathe and exhale softly though your parted lips. Allow your heart to depressurize and soften. Bring the breath to the root of your spine. Keep the vibration there for a few slow, long, deep, relaxed breaths. When you are conscious of the energy resting there, allow your breath to rise up towards your heart, little by little, up and down, without letting it go any higher towards your head. And let the face, or smell, or voice, of each one of these 3 people spontaneously rise in you. Write whatever comes down. Don't judge. Let the Flow circulate. You may be surprised as to who and what comes up, they may not seem to be the most important people in your life today, and maybe they're not, but they are here now to teach you something very specific.
Then daydream, ponder, and let yourself go back to the deep roots of what allowed Love for that being to be unleashed. What music played in your heart? What vibration did they instill in you? What did they allow you to envision that you did not know was possible?
Here I go:
Person #1: my beloved ex
You are me. In you, I see a reflection of me, of my love, of my past, and of what I can accomplish. You are my wave, and I am your rock. You crash onto me and you soften my sharp edges. You are so ever present in everything, that I still wonder whether I can live without you. You have been the ground upon which I stand and the stars up to which I gaze. You have allowed me the hope and strength to manifest all that has arisen through me until now. You allowed my love to change without ever changing who you are. For all that, I love you. And for being real enough to notice the moment when we needed space. You were a visionary in realizing that we were too necessary to one another to realistically accomplish our respective dharmas, and rise. What liberated us bound us. What had made us grow as tall as giants had put a ceiling over our heads. You saw that. I didn't. And for that too, I love you. Into your eyes, my face remains. Always.
Person #2: my pranic wife
We met totally randomly in Venice, brought together by Coral Dear, and just for that, I knew I was going to love you. But then, you started shining your light, like a rising sun, over a calm ocean. Your smile and giggles started and have not ended yet. I love you. In that breakfast joint on Abbot. In that sweat lodge. Your silliness and simplicity, distracting one's attention from your intelligence and amazingly intense experience of this world. Your humility, intertwined with a total lack of shame. Your eyes, which open right into God. Your ability to manifest into the material plane all the Consciousness that overflows in your heart (is that Prakrti or WHAT?). Your strength and groundedness. But most of all, your fragility. Your truthfulness. Your tears. Your heart calling for me. When mine calls for you. Hugging you. Kissing you. Because I love you.
'You probably think I'm crazy, I don't want you to save me, don't mean to disappoint you, I 've never felt so free. If you could stand in my shoes, then you would feel my heart beat too.' (Heartbeat/Hard Candy). That's how I felt when I met you.
Person #3: the one who came out of nowhere and revived my heart (and then broke it, all in 28 hours)
I did not know we would meet until 15 minutes before we were introduced. I saw you and thought to myself 'nice, really nice'. And then we spoke, downstairs, in that 'shower bar' in Paris' 4th (and no, curious reader, I will tell you more about that place, it would not be appropriate in these pages :p) and you won me over. Completely smoothly. You made my heart beat. My face smile. My hands nervous, My mind race and my fires ignite. Out of the blue, unexpectedly, between a hand brushing a stranger's arm and a Desperado, I felt it. That vibration that I know so well. That sacred tremor. That Spanda that I am so intimate with I had to get it tattooed on my right arm. Love. Not for what we have been. Which has been, truly, barely nothing. But rather for what you made me feel and dream of. When the curtains of impossibility is pulled down in a second and everything, everything is totally doable again because of that one moment, one thing only exists that wholly captivated our mind. Love. Not (just) romance or sentimentality, but that primal irresistible pulsation at the root of the spine. That which makes us felt blissful. That which invoked that kiss in the crypt of this amazing Paris church. The hands constantly looking for each other. I love you for the song that you made my heart sing. Despite that which I am not sure about but which froze that pulsation. And brought me (I don't know you ever traveled as far as I did) to a halt. And for that broken heart. I thank you. With all my sacred breath. My heart is not dead. I can completely overreact and shoot up to the moon in 28 hours. To crash at its surface, ok, but shoot up, still. I love you. And to answer, again, your question of that first night, yes, I like romance. A lot. And I would have loved to get a change to give you a taste of it.
Done.
Those of you who are natural artists, whether you sing whenever you are alone, whether you act, whether you secretly write thousands of words each day, whether you paint life-size canvasses in your dreams or small cartoons in the corner of your pages, those of you will understand that I do not have a choice but to write these lines. And that I must have someone read them. I do not have a choice, if I choose liberation. And as the spanda of creation and expression rises, there is no outcome possible but to let it rise, besides spiritual suicide.
So as love rose, so did the pen.
So today, before you go to bed, love someone. In full consciousness and liberation. And tell them. Whisper it in their ear, write a letter or call them.
Love.
Monday, September 22, 2008
What I learnt this week...
Done. 10 days. California. Much yoga. A whole LOT of teaching. Plenty of sun. Little sleep. Many friends. Little time. Unlimited devotion. One of a kind teacher. Sixty five receiving souls. Some clouds. Five dozen hugs per day. Endless laughter.
Venice, CA, Shiva's teacher training immersion, September 2008.
I am drained. We started on September 10th, at 630AM, and I have been assisting the 65 or so teacher trainees and Shiva non stop with a team of prime assistants. I learnt that:
- when you do what you like with a group of friends and people who are open to receiving, work feels like dancing for hours under the sun on the beach
- the word jazz comes from the creole (Caribbean French) word 'jasi' which means 'aroused' or 'excited', because jazz was deemed sexual and immoral in the 20s
- I love Gina and she is my karmic sister and we have to teach together
- I can't have more than one burrito a day, even if Holy Guacamole cooks the best ones in the whole wide world
- students like my teaching, and primarily because i am clear in my transmission but informal in my communication
- I can stand the California sun for up to 32 minutes with an SPF45 sunblock and up to 18 seconds without sunblock
- sunburns hurt (I knew that before)
- if you meet people with the assumption that they are amazing beings, they usually end up meeting your expectations
- jet lag is worse flying to the US from Europe vs. Asia
- we are dissolving patterns through our practice that are no longer serving our evolution, to feel the potentiality of evolution and creation within us
- I could live in LA and be awesomely happy
- The Divine, Life, our true Nature is being, but also becoming. The divine is becoming because it is perfecting itself all the time.
- I can order frozen yogurt and toppings in Japanese
- According to the Dalai Lama, we are here to embody the transcendence
- I need to put on a bit of weight
- I now wear a size Small in the US
- I am blessed to be doing something that I love, being in a circle of people I adore, studying with incredibly talented river guides, being close to very wise people, and in love with the Earth, the Ocean and the Sky
- if our governments had spent the money they are spending now saving the financial system on saving the environment and improving health, food, and education, the world would be a different, better and more conscious place (and we probably would not have to save the financial 'world' with our taxes, so generations of traders can take un-calculated risks again in 2 years)
- I miss my dogs every minute of every day and I hate being away
- I will no longer travel more than 2 weeks in a row because i MISS teaching my usual classes, public and private, to the solar practitioners who show up, once a year or once a day
- It now costs one USD15 to check in a piece of luggage on US domestic flights, USD25 dollars for a second piece of luggage, and USD100 per additional piece
- I miss the 1008 blessings of married Life
- there are total psychopaths in this world, some of them even practice yoga, and most of them just need to GET A LIFE and take a chill pill
- I like to get my ass kicked in a practice, and I don't feel I have gotten my load until I am swimming in my own sweat and need to be wheeled out of the studio
- The is no benefit in moving from a symmetrical hip asana to an asymmetrical hip asana, and warrior 3 to half moon back to warrior 3 is not neutral on your hips, but rather screws them up
- I loved every minute of being surrounded by Shiva, Gina, Beth, Allez, Julia, Meg and the rest of the Universe
- I feel unreasonably happy driving down Rose from Lincoln and suddenly seeing the Ocean, like a sheet of diamonds, ahead of me between the dark blue sky and the white sand
- One Jess is good, too Jess's is better, three Jess's is not possible cause they are twins
- One should step into the realm of fear at least once a week, to stay away from the rotten experience of undeserved comfort
I am so sad to leave. However, I am just about to jump into an insane experience. I am at LAX, waiting for my flight to Denver. I will teach tomorrow at my friend Shan's studio for the Global Mala and then head up to Estes Park for a week in the mountains with amazing friends, and to practice yoga at the YJ conference. Or maybe just to chill, hike, cook, enjoy the hot tub and think things out.
Hari Om Tat Sat
Venice, CA, Shiva's teacher training immersion, September 2008.
I am drained. We started on September 10th, at 630AM, and I have been assisting the 65 or so teacher trainees and Shiva non stop with a team of prime assistants. I learnt that:
- when you do what you like with a group of friends and people who are open to receiving, work feels like dancing for hours under the sun on the beach
- the word jazz comes from the creole (Caribbean French) word 'jasi' which means 'aroused' or 'excited', because jazz was deemed sexual and immoral in the 20s
- I love Gina and she is my karmic sister and we have to teach together
- I can't have more than one burrito a day, even if Holy Guacamole cooks the best ones in the whole wide world
- students like my teaching, and primarily because i am clear in my transmission but informal in my communication
- I can stand the California sun for up to 32 minutes with an SPF45 sunblock and up to 18 seconds without sunblock
- sunburns hurt (I knew that before)
- if you meet people with the assumption that they are amazing beings, they usually end up meeting your expectations
- jet lag is worse flying to the US from Europe vs. Asia
- we are dissolving patterns through our practice that are no longer serving our evolution, to feel the potentiality of evolution and creation within us
- I could live in LA and be awesomely happy
- The Divine, Life, our true Nature is being, but also becoming. The divine is becoming because it is perfecting itself all the time.
- I can order frozen yogurt and toppings in Japanese
- According to the Dalai Lama, we are here to embody the transcendence
- I need to put on a bit of weight
- I now wear a size Small in the US
- I am blessed to be doing something that I love, being in a circle of people I adore, studying with incredibly talented river guides, being close to very wise people, and in love with the Earth, the Ocean and the Sky
- if our governments had spent the money they are spending now saving the financial system on saving the environment and improving health, food, and education, the world would be a different, better and more conscious place (and we probably would not have to save the financial 'world' with our taxes, so generations of traders can take un-calculated risks again in 2 years)
- I miss my dogs every minute of every day and I hate being away
- I will no longer travel more than 2 weeks in a row because i MISS teaching my usual classes, public and private, to the solar practitioners who show up, once a year or once a day
- It now costs one USD15 to check in a piece of luggage on US domestic flights, USD25 dollars for a second piece of luggage, and USD100 per additional piece
- I miss the 1008 blessings of married Life
- there are total psychopaths in this world, some of them even practice yoga, and most of them just need to GET A LIFE and take a chill pill
- I like to get my ass kicked in a practice, and I don't feel I have gotten my load until I am swimming in my own sweat and need to be wheeled out of the studio
- The is no benefit in moving from a symmetrical hip asana to an asymmetrical hip asana, and warrior 3 to half moon back to warrior 3 is not neutral on your hips, but rather screws them up
- I loved every minute of being surrounded by Shiva, Gina, Beth, Allez, Julia, Meg and the rest of the Universe
- I feel unreasonably happy driving down Rose from Lincoln and suddenly seeing the Ocean, like a sheet of diamonds, ahead of me between the dark blue sky and the white sand
- One Jess is good, too Jess's is better, three Jess's is not possible cause they are twins
- One should step into the realm of fear at least once a week, to stay away from the rotten experience of undeserved comfort
I am so sad to leave. However, I am just about to jump into an insane experience. I am at LAX, waiting for my flight to Denver. I will teach tomorrow at my friend Shan's studio for the Global Mala and then head up to Estes Park for a week in the mountains with amazing friends, and to practice yoga at the YJ conference. Or maybe just to chill, hike, cook, enjoy the hot tub and think things out.
Hari Om Tat Sat
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Vive la France
So it's now been a week that I have left Singapore, and what a week. Have you noticed how Life accelerates while time shrinks when you are out of town and things are running on high?
The few days I spent in Paris were magical. Not the weather. Although, I have to say that I was invigorated, if not totally juiced up, by the cool windy weather. I finally was able to wear my best sweaters and jackets again, and felt like a million bucks in my old (read 'classic') winter clothes. My skin dried out, my gut is gone, all is good! But obviously, the real gift was to reconnect with all my friends, Guillaume, Sylvie, even Julien and Olivier. And it is then that I realized how much happier I am when I am surrounded by my tribe. My culture. My food! Not that I am significantly less happy whenever I am outside of France, but this is - against all odds and what I have chosen to believe for the last 10 years - home, after all. Life is sweet there, and so much less hectic, while still being completely captivating and buzzing. Less pretending and more being, I guess.
Anyhow, the week was fun. I took my first ashtanga classes in French, and - VERY surprisingly - loved it. At first, hearing anatomical and poetic invocations in another language is very odd, even if it is your mother tongue, simply because it makes every word so much more intense and meaningful and creates a sharp presence. It felt as if I had been invited to connect with the 'plante de mes pieds' (soles of my feet) or 'mon bassin et le cote de mon torse' (my pelvis and the sides of my waist) for the first time. It felt as if I was trying for the first time ever to 'atteidre le ciel avec mes doigts' (reach for the sky with my fingers). Fascinating. Totally mind-blowing, and it made the ashtanga primary series, which I know fairly well, totally new and captivating. Jai Jai Monsieur Jois.
And then there was the food (and plenty of it), from amazing croissants and pains aux raisins (some sort of superior raisins roll with cream) to ecstatic and quasi-orgasmic salads and cheeses. And the wine, ricard and other caperinha… Strangely, though, I did not put on weight, and actually lost some. I definitely must check that 'why French women don't get fat' book, it may very well contain the details of a genetic miracle I do not know I am blessed with.
Then there was the falling in love, floating above the skies, and then crashing down in the depth of the Earth, all within 28 hours. Paris, they say, is the city of Love, and it most certainly is. From people kissing and holding (more than) hands at every corner of every street to the romance-filled face of the city, Love is everywhere. And whether you plan it or not, it is bound to fill your heart at some point. Now, if you happen to be like me (i.e., slightly dysfunctional, likely to systematically make the wrong choice, trusting, and still very much optimistic despite some pretty rough recent life lessons), don't expect not to be brushed (or rather crushed - that was the case this time around) by the sharp arrows of Cupid. I won't tell you more, just because I have written something about that amazing Love Story, which I am reworking and will post next week.
Stay tuned.
And then there was home. My real first home. Montauban, a small city in the South of France. Old (founded in 1144), tiny (50.000 souls at most), peaceful (any more peaceful, it would be dead), and charming (because it's … old, tiny and peaceful, you guessed it). I flew over to Toulouse to meet my parents on Saturday morning (after - I must avow - 2 hours of sleep), and was welcome by the background of my youth. Things have not changed, and because I have left years ago, I am glad they haven't. As scary as it can be to go back to the museum of your early years, where the 'why I needed to get out of here' exhibition is always on display, it is so grounding to go back. I love my parents. I love my sister. I love, most of all, my niece, Lola, and my nephew, Nathan. I love the grass. I love the fields. I love the horizon. I love the pace and lights. I would never live there again in this Incarnation, and I love it all the more because of that.
And then there was a last day in Paris again, with Guillaume, stuffing our faces with some of the best tapas in Europe (yes, they are not to be found in Spain :p) and amazing Sangria. A last night of chatting away until the wee hours of the night, talking about Life. Life. And Love. Our Dharma. The present that is in preparation in our hearts.
And then off to the airport (which, again, surprised me with its cleanliness and efficiency - WHAT HAPPENED TO MY COUNTRY????). And a bump-less flight to LA (Sweet Shankara, thank YOU!).
I am now in California, sitting at the Rose Café, my emotional bunker in this town. The Great Pacific Ocean is scintillating down the road like a million gems, and the wind is blowing my way. I went for a run this morning, and am now sipping tea, waiting for my adored, revered and dearly missed friend Gina, who's coming to help out with Shiva's teacher training as well. I will catch up with Seane Corn in a couple of hours and attend her class, before heading out for dinner.
More friends and amazing spaces for the next 10 days. I am blessed, grateful, and totally intent on sipping every drop of the glass of my Life until the glass is licked clean.
Jai!
Franck
'THAT is the true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it' (P. Coelho)
'Say what you like, do what you feel, you know exactly who you are. The time is right. Now, you got to decide: stand in the back or be the star' (Madonna)
The few days I spent in Paris were magical. Not the weather. Although, I have to say that I was invigorated, if not totally juiced up, by the cool windy weather. I finally was able to wear my best sweaters and jackets again, and felt like a million bucks in my old (read 'classic') winter clothes. My skin dried out, my gut is gone, all is good! But obviously, the real gift was to reconnect with all my friends, Guillaume, Sylvie, even Julien and Olivier. And it is then that I realized how much happier I am when I am surrounded by my tribe. My culture. My food! Not that I am significantly less happy whenever I am outside of France, but this is - against all odds and what I have chosen to believe for the last 10 years - home, after all. Life is sweet there, and so much less hectic, while still being completely captivating and buzzing. Less pretending and more being, I guess.
Anyhow, the week was fun. I took my first ashtanga classes in French, and - VERY surprisingly - loved it. At first, hearing anatomical and poetic invocations in another language is very odd, even if it is your mother tongue, simply because it makes every word so much more intense and meaningful and creates a sharp presence. It felt as if I had been invited to connect with the 'plante de mes pieds' (soles of my feet) or 'mon bassin et le cote de mon torse' (my pelvis and the sides of my waist) for the first time. It felt as if I was trying for the first time ever to 'atteidre le ciel avec mes doigts' (reach for the sky with my fingers). Fascinating. Totally mind-blowing, and it made the ashtanga primary series, which I know fairly well, totally new and captivating. Jai Jai Monsieur Jois.
And then there was the food (and plenty of it), from amazing croissants and pains aux raisins (some sort of superior raisins roll with cream) to ecstatic and quasi-orgasmic salads and cheeses. And the wine, ricard and other caperinha… Strangely, though, I did not put on weight, and actually lost some. I definitely must check that 'why French women don't get fat' book, it may very well contain the details of a genetic miracle I do not know I am blessed with.
Then there was the falling in love, floating above the skies, and then crashing down in the depth of the Earth, all within 28 hours. Paris, they say, is the city of Love, and it most certainly is. From people kissing and holding (more than) hands at every corner of every street to the romance-filled face of the city, Love is everywhere. And whether you plan it or not, it is bound to fill your heart at some point. Now, if you happen to be like me (i.e., slightly dysfunctional, likely to systematically make the wrong choice, trusting, and still very much optimistic despite some pretty rough recent life lessons), don't expect not to be brushed (or rather crushed - that was the case this time around) by the sharp arrows of Cupid. I won't tell you more, just because I have written something about that amazing Love Story, which I am reworking and will post next week.
Stay tuned.
And then there was home. My real first home. Montauban, a small city in the South of France. Old (founded in 1144), tiny (50.000 souls at most), peaceful (any more peaceful, it would be dead), and charming (because it's … old, tiny and peaceful, you guessed it). I flew over to Toulouse to meet my parents on Saturday morning (after - I must avow - 2 hours of sleep), and was welcome by the background of my youth. Things have not changed, and because I have left years ago, I am glad they haven't. As scary as it can be to go back to the museum of your early years, where the 'why I needed to get out of here' exhibition is always on display, it is so grounding to go back. I love my parents. I love my sister. I love, most of all, my niece, Lola, and my nephew, Nathan. I love the grass. I love the fields. I love the horizon. I love the pace and lights. I would never live there again in this Incarnation, and I love it all the more because of that.
And then there was a last day in Paris again, with Guillaume, stuffing our faces with some of the best tapas in Europe (yes, they are not to be found in Spain :p) and amazing Sangria. A last night of chatting away until the wee hours of the night, talking about Life. Life. And Love. Our Dharma. The present that is in preparation in our hearts.
And then off to the airport (which, again, surprised me with its cleanliness and efficiency - WHAT HAPPENED TO MY COUNTRY????). And a bump-less flight to LA (Sweet Shankara, thank YOU!).
I am now in California, sitting at the Rose Café, my emotional bunker in this town. The Great Pacific Ocean is scintillating down the road like a million gems, and the wind is blowing my way. I went for a run this morning, and am now sipping tea, waiting for my adored, revered and dearly missed friend Gina, who's coming to help out with Shiva's teacher training as well. I will catch up with Seane Corn in a couple of hours and attend her class, before heading out for dinner.
More friends and amazing spaces for the next 10 days. I am blessed, grateful, and totally intent on sipping every drop of the glass of my Life until the glass is licked clean.
Jai!
Franck
'THAT is the true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it' (P. Coelho)
'Say what you like, do what you feel, you know exactly who you are. The time is right. Now, you got to decide: stand in the back or be the star' (Madonna)
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
I will not die an unlived Life (July 29 2008)
Life is Bliss. Ananda.
No matter how harsh I think my life conditions are, at times (which is not often, mind you).
Life is Change. Life is Sacred. Life is Love. Life is Evolution. Life is delicious dishes and exquisite wines. Life is traveling halfway across the world to visit a foreign city and feel at home there. Life is meeting someone, never to be the same again. Life is crying to overcome a broken heart. Life is the smell of freshly cut grass on your way to work. Life is the most tantalizing sunset that blesses your reunion with old and new friends in Malibu. Life is the gushing waves of the great ocean licking the rocky coastline of Catalunya. Life is sitting at the edge of the Grand Canyon and watching the magnificence of the Universe unfold as the Light changes again and again and again and again. Life is tears on my cheeks as the sun disappears in front of my eyes into the Great Ocean off the coast of Kerala for the last time this year.
And yet, are we honoring this Life? Are we living ecstatically or are we living just because we have to? Are we doing our utmost to conquer the most amazing experiences that are just waiting to be had in this Incarnation? Are we certain that we will be old before we die?
What are we waiting for to fully spend each breath, and bear no remorse?
How can I, how can we be aware of our existence, of the immense impact of each of our Lives and of our Collective potency as Humanity and yet, not be moved into action? We are all blessed with Sva Vimarsa, the Awareness of the Self, and with Sva Sva Vimarsa, the Self's sense of being aware of itself. And yet we allow ourselves to be frozen into inaction?
I am aware of the potency of my actions. I acknowledge the power that I can unleash in my practice on the mat, and the forces I can create in my universe off the mat. And that bears great responsibility. Damn it, a true sense of duty, I should say. How can we live a Life that is the mere shadow of what it could be, given the wealth, education, and safety we are all blessed with in our societies?
Every second, you and I have a choice to negate our instinctual nature and refuse to change the world. Or we can choose, with every breath, to take this Life, this AMAZING LIFE, which we have been gifted by God, the Universe, your parents or Mother Nature - whatever resonates with you - and turn it into a field in which we can plant seeds and harvest miracles. Gandhi used to say that 'we are the change we want to see in the world'. And we are.
Surely, our impact can be as radical or as subtle as we wish, from Da Vinci's transformative effect on civilization to that of any one of us adopting a single stray animal from the SCPA before it is killed. WE CAN CHOOSE, at every opportunity, to live this Life, TO LIVE THIS LIFE EXTENSIVELY, or to crawl through it. We are all born with so many gifts... Some can draw, some can act, some can sing, some can cook, some can love like there is no tomorrow, some can inspire, some can convince, some can dance, some can empathize, some can turn their back and leave... We all are blessed with a wealth of potentialities and possibilities. But do you wake up in the morning with the determination of the warrior, set to fight his battle? Do we use our gifts for the benefit of the Universe or do we let them go to waste?
That book that you have always wanted to write will only be manifested if you sit down today at your computer and start. You long-renounced dream of going to Cambodia and teach mathematics to children as an act of charity will only materialize if you identify and contact a suitable NGO today. These regrets, which you bear, of never telling your estranged sibling, who is gay, that you love him just as he is, will never dissolve until you have the courage to pick up your phone, dial the number and say the words. NOW.
On the day we were born, we have all been presented with the canvas and the brushes needed to paint a most beautiful, meaningful and inspired Life. But do we? Or are we wasting yet another incarnation by dwelling in our own unbearable confort?
I choose, this year, in two thousand and infinite, to live my Life to the fullest. To stretch my energy into all corners of my existence. To leave no gold nugget lying on the ground. I commit to loving, standing up for what I believe in, renouncing what depletes my energy and manifest my potential wherever I can. I will not die an unlived Life.
Because when we are dead, there is really not that much we can do anymore, kinda. ;-D
Read out loud with me:
I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
Of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days
To allow my living to open me,
To make me less afraid,
More accessible;
To loosen my heart
Until it becomes a wing,
A torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance,
To live so that which came to me as seed,
Goes to the next as blossom,
And that which came to me as blossom,
Goes on as fruit.
Dawna Markova
No matter how harsh I think my life conditions are, at times (which is not often, mind you).
Life is Change. Life is Sacred. Life is Love. Life is Evolution. Life is delicious dishes and exquisite wines. Life is traveling halfway across the world to visit a foreign city and feel at home there. Life is meeting someone, never to be the same again. Life is crying to overcome a broken heart. Life is the smell of freshly cut grass on your way to work. Life is the most tantalizing sunset that blesses your reunion with old and new friends in Malibu. Life is the gushing waves of the great ocean licking the rocky coastline of Catalunya. Life is sitting at the edge of the Grand Canyon and watching the magnificence of the Universe unfold as the Light changes again and again and again and again. Life is tears on my cheeks as the sun disappears in front of my eyes into the Great Ocean off the coast of Kerala for the last time this year.
And yet, are we honoring this Life? Are we living ecstatically or are we living just because we have to? Are we doing our utmost to conquer the most amazing experiences that are just waiting to be had in this Incarnation? Are we certain that we will be old before we die?
What are we waiting for to fully spend each breath, and bear no remorse?
How can I, how can we be aware of our existence, of the immense impact of each of our Lives and of our Collective potency as Humanity and yet, not be moved into action? We are all blessed with Sva Vimarsa, the Awareness of the Self, and with Sva Sva Vimarsa, the Self's sense of being aware of itself. And yet we allow ourselves to be frozen into inaction?
I am aware of the potency of my actions. I acknowledge the power that I can unleash in my practice on the mat, and the forces I can create in my universe off the mat. And that bears great responsibility. Damn it, a true sense of duty, I should say. How can we live a Life that is the mere shadow of what it could be, given the wealth, education, and safety we are all blessed with in our societies?
Every second, you and I have a choice to negate our instinctual nature and refuse to change the world. Or we can choose, with every breath, to take this Life, this AMAZING LIFE, which we have been gifted by God, the Universe, your parents or Mother Nature - whatever resonates with you - and turn it into a field in which we can plant seeds and harvest miracles. Gandhi used to say that 'we are the change we want to see in the world'. And we are.
Surely, our impact can be as radical or as subtle as we wish, from Da Vinci's transformative effect on civilization to that of any one of us adopting a single stray animal from the SCPA before it is killed. WE CAN CHOOSE, at every opportunity, to live this Life, TO LIVE THIS LIFE EXTENSIVELY, or to crawl through it. We are all born with so many gifts... Some can draw, some can act, some can sing, some can cook, some can love like there is no tomorrow, some can inspire, some can convince, some can dance, some can empathize, some can turn their back and leave... We all are blessed with a wealth of potentialities and possibilities. But do you wake up in the morning with the determination of the warrior, set to fight his battle? Do we use our gifts for the benefit of the Universe or do we let them go to waste?
That book that you have always wanted to write will only be manifested if you sit down today at your computer and start. You long-renounced dream of going to Cambodia and teach mathematics to children as an act of charity will only materialize if you identify and contact a suitable NGO today. These regrets, which you bear, of never telling your estranged sibling, who is gay, that you love him just as he is, will never dissolve until you have the courage to pick up your phone, dial the number and say the words. NOW.
On the day we were born, we have all been presented with the canvas and the brushes needed to paint a most beautiful, meaningful and inspired Life. But do we? Or are we wasting yet another incarnation by dwelling in our own unbearable confort?
I choose, this year, in two thousand and infinite, to live my Life to the fullest. To stretch my energy into all corners of my existence. To leave no gold nugget lying on the ground. I commit to loving, standing up for what I believe in, renouncing what depletes my energy and manifest my potential wherever I can. I will not die an unlived Life.
Because when we are dead, there is really not that much we can do anymore, kinda. ;-D
Read out loud with me:
I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
Of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days
To allow my living to open me,
To make me less afraid,
More accessible;
To loosen my heart
Until it becomes a wing,
A torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance,
To live so that which came to me as seed,
Goes to the next as blossom,
And that which came to me as blossom,
Goes on as fruit.
Dawna Markova
WHILE YOU ARE ALIVE (July 25 2008)
6AM. Still pitch black and cool outside. Birds have not started commenting on the weather just yet. It's all so quiet. And so is my heart. The ripples of my (very!) early morning meditation on the Vijnana Bhairava Tantra are slowly dissolving into eternity, as I sit on the cold hard floors of my living room, gazing at the dark trees out the window.
NOW, my heart is full and ripe. My two beloved baby dogs are resting in a half gaze on the floor next to me. Outside, nature is holding itself up with beauty in branches and clouds for me to enjoy. A few miles away from here, my beloved soul mate is sleeping in peace and health and space, and though we no longer belong to one another, we are there for each other at this very instant. Further away, my pranic spouse is teaching a class in her yoga studio in the sharp mountains of Colorado. And from the cold floor of my living room, I close my eyes and embrace her. Further out, more friends and family members are going about their day or night, unconsciously holding space for me in their heart.
And so do I. So many little cells in my heart, in which I hold pure love and adoration for so many special people. NOW, I take the time, which I never do, to acknowledge these connections, these love arteries that take us back to Humanity's heart.
Right NOW, with no validation needed, I know that I love and that I am loved in return. At this very instant, while I could choose to see myself all alone on the floor of an aging condo in Singapore, I am a container of love, bliss and ecstasy.
NOW. No point in looking back at a past that was so fulfilling and rich. At a future that is heavily pregnant with many amazing moments that I will grasp when they are ripe. Bliss is right now, at this very second. And then at this new second. And this one. And this one…
It does not end. The mere presence of my adored babies next to me, the bond that I formed or strengthened with my friends last week in LA (including an unexpected Pranic marriage to the sweetest woman on Earth), the connection that I share - heart and soul - with teachers and students friends, these trees, swaying in the morning breeze as the sun finally breaks out of darkness, just for me.
Life is bliss. Right NOW. Whether you choose to uphold the teachings of Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now) or Elvis Presley (It's now or never), bliss, enlightenment, and exquisite ecstasy, whatever you choose to call it, is NOW. In the center of the Heart. In your heart. In mine. And in the eyes of my dearest souls, into which my face remains.
There is nothing to wait for. No further challenge to go through. Bliss is not a gift handed at the end of your earthly existence in retribution for all the fun and joy you have chosen not to have. Bliss, incredible and shockingly intense happiness is in the resonance of the Love in your life, to friends, to your teachers, to your Ishta Devata, and to yourself.
I will let Rumi close this blurp for me, because he does it best.
'Hope for the Guest WHILE YOU ARE ALIVE,
Jump into experience WHILE YOU ARE ALIVE!
Think……. And Think ………. And think …….. WHILE YOU ARE ALIVE.
What you call "salvation" belongs to the time BEFORE death.
If you don't break your ropes while you are alive, do you think ghosts will do it after?
The idea that the soul will join with the ecstatic just because the body is rotten - that is all fantasy
WHAT IS FOUND NOW IS FOUND THEN!
If you find nothing now, you will simply end up with an apartment in the City of Death.
If you make Love with the divine NOW, in the next life you will have the face of satisfied desire.
So plunge into the truth, find out who the Teacher is, believe in the Great Sound!
I say this: When the Guest is being searched for, it is the intensity of the longing for the Guest that does all the work.
Look at me, and you will see a slave of that intensity.'
Om Namah Shivaya
NOW, my heart is full and ripe. My two beloved baby dogs are resting in a half gaze on the floor next to me. Outside, nature is holding itself up with beauty in branches and clouds for me to enjoy. A few miles away from here, my beloved soul mate is sleeping in peace and health and space, and though we no longer belong to one another, we are there for each other at this very instant. Further away, my pranic spouse is teaching a class in her yoga studio in the sharp mountains of Colorado. And from the cold floor of my living room, I close my eyes and embrace her. Further out, more friends and family members are going about their day or night, unconsciously holding space for me in their heart.
And so do I. So many little cells in my heart, in which I hold pure love and adoration for so many special people. NOW, I take the time, which I never do, to acknowledge these connections, these love arteries that take us back to Humanity's heart.
Right NOW, with no validation needed, I know that I love and that I am loved in return. At this very instant, while I could choose to see myself all alone on the floor of an aging condo in Singapore, I am a container of love, bliss and ecstasy.
NOW. No point in looking back at a past that was so fulfilling and rich. At a future that is heavily pregnant with many amazing moments that I will grasp when they are ripe. Bliss is right now, at this very second. And then at this new second. And this one. And this one…
It does not end. The mere presence of my adored babies next to me, the bond that I formed or strengthened with my friends last week in LA (including an unexpected Pranic marriage to the sweetest woman on Earth), the connection that I share - heart and soul - with teachers and students friends, these trees, swaying in the morning breeze as the sun finally breaks out of darkness, just for me.
Life is bliss. Right NOW. Whether you choose to uphold the teachings of Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now) or Elvis Presley (It's now or never), bliss, enlightenment, and exquisite ecstasy, whatever you choose to call it, is NOW. In the center of the Heart. In your heart. In mine. And in the eyes of my dearest souls, into which my face remains.
There is nothing to wait for. No further challenge to go through. Bliss is not a gift handed at the end of your earthly existence in retribution for all the fun and joy you have chosen not to have. Bliss, incredible and shockingly intense happiness is in the resonance of the Love in your life, to friends, to your teachers, to your Ishta Devata, and to yourself.
I will let Rumi close this blurp for me, because he does it best.
'Hope for the Guest WHILE YOU ARE ALIVE,
Jump into experience WHILE YOU ARE ALIVE!
Think……. And Think ………. And think …….. WHILE YOU ARE ALIVE.
What you call "salvation" belongs to the time BEFORE death.
If you don't break your ropes while you are alive, do you think ghosts will do it after?
The idea that the soul will join with the ecstatic just because the body is rotten - that is all fantasy
WHAT IS FOUND NOW IS FOUND THEN!
If you find nothing now, you will simply end up with an apartment in the City of Death.
If you make Love with the divine NOW, in the next life you will have the face of satisfied desire.
So plunge into the truth, find out who the Teacher is, believe in the Great Sound!
I say this: When the Guest is being searched for, it is the intensity of the longing for the Guest that does all the work.
Look at me, and you will see a slave of that intensity.'
Om Namah Shivaya
Cosmic Chaos (April 29 2008)
After Bali, I was in Japan for the week-end, assisting Shiva-ji for a Love-centered round of workshops in Yokohama and Tokyo. Yesterday, after an intense emotional burst of energy in Hridaya meditation, my very first teacher (bless her heart), who attended the workshop, described these last 12 to 18 months in her world as Cosmic Chaos. Incidentally, Patrick-dear, who was in Singapore last week to instill transformation in the Singapore community, was commenting on how many established relationships, heart- centered or else, were dissolved around him in the last year. I was making the very same comment to an old friend from school on my way to Bali 2 weeks ago, who was wondering how her marriage could collapse so unexpectedly after 12 years of bliss and 3 amazing children.
Look! It is all around us! As much love and commitment there is in all of us, we have been in a period of cosmic chaos in the last year and a half, where the destructive ('transformative') energy of Lord Shiva has been sweeping across this world: tensions flaring across the political circles of the Planet, the credit-crunch scandal and resulting collapse of the financial markets, the number of dead relationships that rest in peace in the love cemetery of 2008, food shortages and deaths around the world... And how many more examples could we draw from our own humble individual lives?
Meiji-dori, after banging the cosmic drums
I, as so many of us, am going through deep changes, and even (or especially?) when you think you are done with your sacrificial fire, and that you have nothing left to burn, your heart ignites and you are up for another round on the yogic merry-go-round of Change. To be painfully honest, if I go for any more round on this yogic roller-coaster this year, that will be the last anyone sees of me for a few good years!
What stays, however, is that Life is still beaming around us, whether we are on top of the world, on in the low lands of our days. Today can still bring you the most amazing treasure, and give your journey a completely new, exciting and unexpected turn. And awareness, our pranic weapon of mass creation, allows us to see the silver lining in all things. So delight in the taste of the sweet juicy mango when it's in your mouth, then take a deep and long bite in the lemon, knowing that the bitterness of this moment will make the next mango even more orgasmic!
Spinning the pois in Yokohama
I have much to share - OF COURSE - after 2 weeks with my sweet teacher friend, Shiva, and I will write more after I have made it safely back home. However, through the internal turmoil, pain and wonder of the last 2 weeks, with much Prana moving painfully upwards through my body, I have established one conviction: the Fire is the (only) way through. So let's prepare to self-combust together when we gather again on the mat for our sacred practices.
The time has come to turn your heart into a temple of fire. — Rumi
Look! It is all around us! As much love and commitment there is in all of us, we have been in a period of cosmic chaos in the last year and a half, where the destructive ('transformative') energy of Lord Shiva has been sweeping across this world: tensions flaring across the political circles of the Planet, the credit-crunch scandal and resulting collapse of the financial markets, the number of dead relationships that rest in peace in the love cemetery of 2008, food shortages and deaths around the world... And how many more examples could we draw from our own humble individual lives?
Meiji-dori, after banging the cosmic drums
I, as so many of us, am going through deep changes, and even (or especially?) when you think you are done with your sacrificial fire, and that you have nothing left to burn, your heart ignites and you are up for another round on the yogic merry-go-round of Change. To be painfully honest, if I go for any more round on this yogic roller-coaster this year, that will be the last anyone sees of me for a few good years!
What stays, however, is that Life is still beaming around us, whether we are on top of the world, on in the low lands of our days. Today can still bring you the most amazing treasure, and give your journey a completely new, exciting and unexpected turn. And awareness, our pranic weapon of mass creation, allows us to see the silver lining in all things. So delight in the taste of the sweet juicy mango when it's in your mouth, then take a deep and long bite in the lemon, knowing that the bitterness of this moment will make the next mango even more orgasmic!
Spinning the pois in Yokohama
I have much to share - OF COURSE - after 2 weeks with my sweet teacher friend, Shiva, and I will write more after I have made it safely back home. However, through the internal turmoil, pain and wonder of the last 2 weeks, with much Prana moving painfully upwards through my body, I have established one conviction: the Fire is the (only) way through. So let's prepare to self-combust together when we gather again on the mat for our sacred practices.
The time has come to turn your heart into a temple of fire. — Rumi
If you forget me (March 26 2008)
Some people have a way with words. This divine poem was brought back to my heart most unexpectedly yesterday by an old friend. Enjoy...
If You Forget Me
If you forget me,
I want you to know one thing.
You know how this is:
if I look at the crystal moon,
at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail toward those isles of yours
that wait for me.
Well, now,
if little by little
you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you
little by little.
If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.
If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners that passes through my life,
and you decide to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember,
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.
But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.
Pablo Neruda
If You Forget Me
If you forget me,
I want you to know one thing.
You know how this is:
if I look at the crystal moon,
at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail toward those isles of yours
that wait for me.
Well, now,
if little by little
you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you
little by little.
If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.
If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners that passes through my life,
and you decide to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember,
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.
But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.
Pablo Neruda
Coming and Going (March 11 2008)
Sweet and sour morning. I am at LAX, sitting in the departure lounge, waiting for my flight to board, listening to some really old (I mean A-HA old) tracks and gazing at the bright bright sun through the huge window pane. I am swimming in a totally creative stream these days, but my gaze is stuck on the bright sky draping the low-lying skyline of the city, framed to infinity by the Great Ocean and the Pacific Palisades hills. No words coming out just yet. LA is amazing and very plain at the same time. I always have that mixed feeling about lalaland: on the one hand, that city has the everlasting freshness and glow of a curious and (still) innocent 17 year old teenager, and the wrinkled vibe of a (kinky) old dame. Strangely enough, though, I love it either way.
Today, LA is young, crisp, cold, fresh and bright. I woke up to a bright sun washing the walls of the bedroom, and walked along the beach in the cooling breeze towards this simple and (thus?) comfy coffee house down Rose Ave. Reading the LA Times with a cup of coffee (yup, I am back to drinking the warm black water this week) and a bagel. I love LA when it is that straightforward, deliciously easy to love, like a big red ripe strawberry in the summer. Everything around you is just there to be enjoyed, with no second guess. And yet at the back of my heart, in that tiny little place at the center of my chest, deep inside, I have started to bleed. More like a crackle. I guess I did not see it coming. Or I did not feel it coming. Days have been long and intense during my trip to SoCal, and I had just enough space in the days to feel gratitude and love. I guess I was busy and focused enough to be completely immersed in the sea of joy I came here to experience.
I have been here for 2 weeks now, and have been closer than ever to my teacher, my friend, my doppelganger, Shiva. I have been so dedicated, with her and the other assistant teachers, to giving everything, every sparkle of Prana Shakti and dedication, to the amazing Souls that attended the teacher training here this fortnight. It has been somewhat draining physically, but the 12 hour-days we went through were a breeze, with our mind intent on transmitting the love, the passion for the art of Living Yoga, and the simplicity of Being Present. I have been on that love train since the morning practice of day 1, where the ameba (40 students roughly) turned into an integrated energetic Body, with its own rhythm and sense of purpose. I have been so pranically charged up, so grateful and so blissed out that I had forgotten that it had to end. Abruptly. Last night. All of a sudden, after the music stopped and the pois were put down, it was over. The Wave crashed. Alex, Urshi, Hollie, Stephanie, Anabelle, Cosetta, Christiana, Aletheia, Joyce, Elika... Gina.
For me, the experience was astonishing, incredibly formative, rewarding, cathartic. Not only did I get the opportunity to help train new teachers and align beautiful people with the Song of their lives, but I also got to deepen my connection with Shiva and create bridges with her and a couple of people that I know will be part of my Life for long. I will not go through the details of the incredible moments of devotion, sharing, meditating, learning and crossing massive bridges, but I am coming back to Singapore today a new person. We should always come back transformed from any trip and exploration, and I feel today that I have accomplished what I came here to do. I am observing that crack in my heart, and appreciate that this is the evidence of a wonderful journey in the last few days. Celebrating Shivaratri here with my guiding light, my Life's Love, my dear friend Gina, sweet Dimitri, Mimi Maria, Colette and other close friends, has also taught me (again!!!) that Transformation is neither easy nor beautiful, and that pain, suffering, conflicts, doubts, fear, contraction and tears are often part of the process, but that they all contribute to coming through a more Realized being. A more unified person.
I am starting to get mystical here, which is generally a clear sign that time to stop writing has come. But I would like to express thanks again to all of you out there, friends, students, guru, teachers, colleagues, family members, loved ones and strangers alike for the Journey, the support, the Love, but also for the the judgments and rejection. For creating the space for Transformation every day, for change, for movement. I can't wait to teach again, and then to leave again, to settle and then move on, to ride my raft on the river of my Dharma. I have missed our Collective, here in Singapore, and can't wait to Flow with you again.
"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there." Rumi
PS: Hot Fudge is still blasting on my iPod :D
Today, LA is young, crisp, cold, fresh and bright. I woke up to a bright sun washing the walls of the bedroom, and walked along the beach in the cooling breeze towards this simple and (thus?) comfy coffee house down Rose Ave. Reading the LA Times with a cup of coffee (yup, I am back to drinking the warm black water this week) and a bagel. I love LA when it is that straightforward, deliciously easy to love, like a big red ripe strawberry in the summer. Everything around you is just there to be enjoyed, with no second guess. And yet at the back of my heart, in that tiny little place at the center of my chest, deep inside, I have started to bleed. More like a crackle. I guess I did not see it coming. Or I did not feel it coming. Days have been long and intense during my trip to SoCal, and I had just enough space in the days to feel gratitude and love. I guess I was busy and focused enough to be completely immersed in the sea of joy I came here to experience.
I have been here for 2 weeks now, and have been closer than ever to my teacher, my friend, my doppelganger, Shiva. I have been so dedicated, with her and the other assistant teachers, to giving everything, every sparkle of Prana Shakti and dedication, to the amazing Souls that attended the teacher training here this fortnight. It has been somewhat draining physically, but the 12 hour-days we went through were a breeze, with our mind intent on transmitting the love, the passion for the art of Living Yoga, and the simplicity of Being Present. I have been on that love train since the morning practice of day 1, where the ameba (40 students roughly) turned into an integrated energetic Body, with its own rhythm and sense of purpose. I have been so pranically charged up, so grateful and so blissed out that I had forgotten that it had to end. Abruptly. Last night. All of a sudden, after the music stopped and the pois were put down, it was over. The Wave crashed. Alex, Urshi, Hollie, Stephanie, Anabelle, Cosetta, Christiana, Aletheia, Joyce, Elika... Gina.
For me, the experience was astonishing, incredibly formative, rewarding, cathartic. Not only did I get the opportunity to help train new teachers and align beautiful people with the Song of their lives, but I also got to deepen my connection with Shiva and create bridges with her and a couple of people that I know will be part of my Life for long. I will not go through the details of the incredible moments of devotion, sharing, meditating, learning and crossing massive bridges, but I am coming back to Singapore today a new person. We should always come back transformed from any trip and exploration, and I feel today that I have accomplished what I came here to do. I am observing that crack in my heart, and appreciate that this is the evidence of a wonderful journey in the last few days. Celebrating Shivaratri here with my guiding light, my Life's Love, my dear friend Gina, sweet Dimitri, Mimi Maria, Colette and other close friends, has also taught me (again!!!) that Transformation is neither easy nor beautiful, and that pain, suffering, conflicts, doubts, fear, contraction and tears are often part of the process, but that they all contribute to coming through a more Realized being. A more unified person.
I am starting to get mystical here, which is generally a clear sign that time to stop writing has come. But I would like to express thanks again to all of you out there, friends, students, guru, teachers, colleagues, family members, loved ones and strangers alike for the Journey, the support, the Love, but also for the the judgments and rejection. For creating the space for Transformation every day, for change, for movement. I can't wait to teach again, and then to leave again, to settle and then move on, to ride my raft on the river of my Dharma. I have missed our Collective, here in Singapore, and can't wait to Flow with you again.
"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there." Rumi
PS: Hot Fudge is still blasting on my iPod :D
Back up
I am back.
A lot of juices are running through me as I approach a new juncture in my life, and the need to keep a record of the blogs I post elsewhere is too strong, so this will be a vault of my blurps for future use.
A lot of juices are running through me as I approach a new juncture in my life, and the need to keep a record of the blogs I post elsewhere is too strong, so this will be a vault of my blurps for future use.
Many deserving people, and myself, need this river of creativity to keep flowing for many reasons, and at least simply because never - NEVER - should we allow ourself to suppress any idea - as radical as it may be - that springs in the seat of our heart. Our true God and Goddess-like nature demands that we honor our actions, emotions, feelings and greater connections as they are the richest product of our existence.
If you happen to know me and can't help yourself judging or hating who I am, what I do, think or feel, then GET A LIFE and don't visit this blog ever again. If you are too intrinsically and emotionally ungrounded that you can't read my views without immediately contracting around it, bad mouthing me extensively and creating unnecessarily dark energy around our community, THEN remove the link to this page from your browser's favorites, get yourself one of these self-help books for sad people and leave me and the rest of the Shaktas free to breathe, live, absorb and manifest.
However, if you feel that my views feed and fertilize you, either because they resonate with you or because they shock the roots of your beliefs, then embrace your ecstatic Courage and Greatness, come back over and over again and allow these words to be the rocks upon which the wave of your incarnation crashes.
The only way to make sure people you agree with can speak is to support the rights of people you don't agree with. (Eleanor Holmes Norton)
If you happen to know me and can't help yourself judging or hating who I am, what I do, think or feel, then GET A LIFE and don't visit this blog ever again. If you are too intrinsically and emotionally ungrounded that you can't read my views without immediately contracting around it, bad mouthing me extensively and creating unnecessarily dark energy around our community, THEN remove the link to this page from your browser's favorites, get yourself one of these self-help books for sad people and leave me and the rest of the Shaktas free to breathe, live, absorb and manifest.
However, if you feel that my views feed and fertilize you, either because they resonate with you or because they shock the roots of your beliefs, then embrace your ecstatic Courage and Greatness, come back over and over again and allow these words to be the rocks upon which the wave of your incarnation crashes.
The only way to make sure people you agree with can speak is to support the rights of people you don't agree with. (Eleanor Holmes Norton)
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
So long
I have decided to turn that limb off for a while. I need to dedicate my Shakti to a few specific openings that need full dedication to blossom, and this one is unfortunately not on the list this year.
I will see you somewhere along the way.
Hari Om.
IY
I will see you somewhere along the way.
Hari Om.
IY
Friday, February 15, 2008
Big day
I am sick. I started having allergies a couple of days ago, and now I feel really sick. My head feels like it's a pressure cooker, and my nose is a river.
My left hamstring started hurting like hell out of the blue again yesterday, and I walk like a hobbit today as result.
My Mom called me yesterday to tell me that she is back in the hospital due to unexpected complications of her operation.
And today, I will leave a Mala of 108 surya namaskars. Not the best day, in a way, but I am happy as it will be another milestone, through which I can set a new path forward.
Shanti Om and health to all.
IY
My left hamstring started hurting like hell out of the blue again yesterday, and I walk like a hobbit today as result.
My Mom called me yesterday to tell me that she is back in the hospital due to unexpected complications of her operation.
And today, I will leave a Mala of 108 surya namaskars. Not the best day, in a way, but I am happy as it will be another milestone, through which I can set a new path forward.
Shanti Om and health to all.
IY
Thursday, February 7, 2008
When fate hits you right in the head...
We think all is well and fine. Life is good. You had the most amazing practice this morning, totally entering the Flow again at last. You have a job you like quite a fair bit, to say the least. You have time on your hands, reasonably. You just had a good holiday with your parents. The Sun is shining. The world is entering a new Lunar Year and everything is fine and excellent.
And then the phone rings.
Sister: Mom is in the hospital.
Imperfect Yogi: WHAT? Why? What happened? What's going on?
Sister: The phone is ringing I call you back.
Then you wait. Everything you could not possibly imagine goes through your head. Then you wait a while more, and more goes through your mind. Then the phone rings.
Sister: ok, you don't worry?
Then, you worry even more. Then you ask:
Imperfect Yogi: so what the fuck is going on? What happened? Is she ok? What's happening? Tell me!
So much for being sattvic, balanced, calm and in the Flow.
Sister: ok, she fell, it's pretty bad. She broke her arm and wrist and is at the hospital. They are running tests on her head and other bones. She is going through an operation in just a few minutes.
Imperfect Yogi: an operation for a broken arm? WHAT THE FUCK? What is going on? Is she ok?
Sister: she is under morphine, she is very worried and lost. They need to stabilize her bones cause they just crashed when she fell. That's all I know. I will call you later. I am going there now?
Imperfect Yogi: ...............................
Imperfect Yogi (to himself): fuck fuck fuck, no way... Mom... She was ok, here, happy and radiant 2 days ago...
Imperfect Yogi: ok, thanks...
And there goes your sense of everything being just as it should be.
It's been a day, and I could talk to no one because of freaking distance, time difference and so many other things. I hope she is ok. She probably is.
This reminds me of this line I read in the most amazing book ('A fortune teller told me') a student gave me for Christmas, which I read with my Mom in Phnom Phen last week: 'Life is not yours, and it can be taken away from you at any moment. Reflect on this.'
IY
Friday, February 1, 2008
Affirmations for a new year
To combat old samskara and build confidence where it has proven to be lacking in the past, Sva Dharma activation sacred texts suggest one builds a set of affirmations to rise the Shakti and let it flow where it should.
My key affirmations for this year are as follows:
- I am a radiant being and I do not need everyone's respect
- I am in the Flow and do not need to know where I am going
- I complete the mandala of my actions
Repeat your affirmations, which you build through a long process of meditation but primarily Svadyaya, 5 times each during your morning meditation as a vow to manifest their essence throughout the day, and LIVE THE LIFE.
Shanti
My key affirmations for this year are as follows:
- I am a radiant being and I do not need everyone's respect
- I am in the Flow and do not need to know where I am going
- I complete the mandala of my actions
Repeat your affirmations, which you build through a long process of meditation but primarily Svadyaya, 5 times each during your morning meditation as a vow to manifest their essence throughout the day, and LIVE THE LIFE.
Shanti
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