Coming and Going (March 11 2008)

Sweet and sour morning. I am at LAX, sitting in the departure lounge, waiting for my flight to board, listening to some really old (I mean A-HA old) tracks and gazing at the bright bright sun through the huge window pane. I am swimming in a totally creative stream these days, but my gaze is stuck on the bright sky draping the low-lying skyline of the city, framed to infinity by the Great Ocean and the Pacific Palisades hills. No words coming out just yet. LA is amazing and very plain at the same time. I always have that mixed feeling about lalaland: on the one hand, that city has the everlasting freshness and glow of a curious and (still) innocent 17 year old teenager, and the wrinkled vibe of a (kinky) old dame. Strangely enough, though, I love it either way.

Today, LA is young, crisp, cold, fresh and bright. I woke up to a bright sun washing the walls of the bedroom, and walked along the beach in the cooling breeze towards this simple and (thus?) comfy coffee house down Rose Ave. Reading the LA Times with a cup of coffee (yup, I am back to drinking the warm black water this week) and a bagel. I love LA when it is that straightforward, deliciously easy to love, like a big red ripe strawberry in the summer. Everything around you is just there to be enjoyed, with no second guess. And yet at the back of my heart, in that tiny little place at the center of my chest, deep inside, I have started to bleed. More like a crackle. I guess I did not see it coming. Or I did not feel it coming. Days have been long and intense during my trip to SoCal, and I had just enough space in the days to feel gratitude and love. I guess I was busy and focused enough to be completely immersed in the sea of joy I came here to experience.

I have been here for 2 weeks now, and have been closer than ever to my teacher, my friend, my doppelganger, Shiva. I have been so dedicated, with her and the other assistant teachers, to giving everything, every sparkle of Prana Shakti and dedication, to the amazing Souls that attended the teacher training here this fortnight. It has been somewhat draining physically, but the 12 hour-days we went through were a breeze, with our mind intent on transmitting the love, the passion for the art of Living Yoga, and the simplicity of Being Present. I have been on that love train since the morning practice of day 1, where the ameba (40 students roughly) turned into an integrated energetic Body, with its own rhythm and sense of purpose. I have been so pranically charged up, so grateful and so blissed out that I had forgotten that it had to end. Abruptly. Last night. All of a sudden, after the music stopped and the pois were put down, it was over. The Wave crashed. Alex, Urshi, Hollie, Stephanie, Anabelle, Cosetta, Christiana, Aletheia, Joyce, Elika... Gina.

For me, the experience was astonishing, incredibly formative, rewarding, cathartic. Not only did I get the opportunity to help train new teachers and align beautiful people with the Song of their lives, but I also got to deepen my connection with Shiva and create bridges with her and a couple of people that I know will be part of my Life for long. I will not go through the details of the incredible moments of devotion, sharing, meditating, learning and crossing massive bridges, but I am coming back to Singapore today a new person. We should always come back transformed from any trip and exploration, and I feel today that I have accomplished what I came here to do. I am observing that crack in my heart, and appreciate that this is the evidence of a wonderful journey in the last few days. Celebrating Shivaratri here with my guiding light, my Life's Love, my dear friend Gina, sweet Dimitri, Mimi Maria, Colette and other close friends, has also taught me (again!!!) that Transformation is neither easy nor beautiful, and that pain, suffering, conflicts, doubts, fear, contraction and tears are often part of the process, but that they all contribute to coming through a more Realized being. A more unified person.

I am starting to get mystical here, which is generally a clear sign that time to stop writing has come. But I would like to express thanks again to all of you out there, friends, students, guru, teachers, colleagues, family members, loved ones and strangers alike for the Journey, the support, the Love, but also for the the judgments and rejection. For creating the space for Transformation every day, for change, for movement. I can't wait to teach again, and then to leave again, to settle and then move on, to ride my raft on the river of my Dharma. I have missed our Collective, here in Singapore, and can't wait to Flow with you again.

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there." Rumi

PS: Hot Fudge is still blasting on my iPod :D