Monday, May 18, 2009
Gotta love it!
Perfect translation of the 'vibration' I was talking today in my blog. Go Olivia Ruiz!
Sunday, May 17, 2009
STOP IT!
Noticing when things go weird, and claiming your power to say STOP!
It happens all the time in our Lives, and it will happen again in the next. It happens to all of us, from the most casual souls among us, to those whom we believe to be evolved spirits or incredibly grounded beings. It happens all the time that at some point, when things are otherwise fine, a flame of doubt, a vibration of fear, a shadow of uncertainty will arise and create that all too familiar queasy feeling in your belly, in your heart or in your throat.
It happens all the time in our Lives, and it will happen again in the next. It happens to all of us, from the most casual souls among us, to those whom we believe to be evolved spirits or incredibly grounded beings. It happens all the time that at some point, when things are otherwise fine, a flame of doubt, a vibration of fear, a shadow of uncertainty will arise and create that all too familiar queasy feeling in your belly, in your heart or in your throat.
All of us, at some point, will not be sufficiently strong or grounded or rested to avoid the troubles spelt by this invasion of our Present, by images of our external mind, or unprocessed views of our Past and Future. All of us will start feeling this drain of Prana Shkati, like a pierced bottle at the root of our being, letting our sacred and vital energy flow outwards, depleting even further our ability to cope with this dramatic experience. All of us will experience that shaking moment where we no longer seem to be able to control our thoughts, our emotions, and inner flow, and when we seem to be bitten right on the neck by the long sharp teeth of our inability to stay whole and centered.
It happened to me not too long ago, in the most cataclysmical intensity that I have ever come to face in my Lifetime. And it is happening again today. However, I feel that today, I am able to see it coming, I am able to feel the rotten smell of that pranic invasion and to feel the presence of the beast behind my back. Last night, as I went to bed, I knew it was there. I could feel its glowing wet yellow eyes on my back. I could feel the hair on the little of my neck rise. I could smell around me the sudden withdrawal of air and space, as if I was suddenly being concealed in an air-tight chamber, knowing very well that oxygen would not take long to run out.
I felt it.
And because I was able to feel it, I am activating today all the protection I need to fight back in full potency, avoid another dramatic collapse of my energy and emotional level, and sustain the integrity of my sacred space and soul. How? Ah… That is an exceptional question. I do not have an answer, but I have many. We all have an underlying pattern when it comes to experiencing fear. Although moving into full analysis of the patterns as the attack hits is usually too late, you must be able to pinpoint immediately that gut feeling that is dawning upon you. But I will get back to that later. I will focus now on what can be done, from my humble experience, to push back the insanity, the energetic theft, the vibration of fear, right as it hits.
- Clear the space: as it hits, exclude from your pranic space anything that is not exclusively You: music that reminds you of something or someone, smells that pull you to loved ones, food that is not your very own favorite and most balancing option, clothes that you bought with or for someone, necklace, statues and other representations of living beings or ishta devatas (deities)… This very effectively helps you push back out anything that could be at the root of the intrusion, whether you am conscious of it or not. By reducing the clutter around and inside you, and by retaining or bringing in things that are very exclusively you (I do highlight the ‘exclusively’), you can achieve grounding and clarity at an amazing speed. This sounds silly, but in my case, it goes as far as wearing clothes or playing music that I purchased when I was single, wearing a perfume that I wore during my young adult (single) years, eating bread that I no longer buy but that I had the habit of eating daily when I was growing up…
- Cleanse the space: this is a tricky one. Cleansing is an important practice, but if we rely on external forces or faces to help us cleanse the space, we may end up putting in jeopardy the space clearing exercise that we have completed as an initial step. Cleansing should be done, in these specific moments of strong vibrational fear, exclusively from the inside to the outside, and with no reliance whatsoever on external media or intervention. I am very much in favor of using white sage or a simple stick of incense (light neutral smell only), and avoid as much as possible calling upon Gods, gurus or other incarnated energies to help me clear the space. While we all have (or should have) a protector, it remains an external force, and while its help can be of use, I personally talk directly to external energies as I walk around the house while burning sage, and invite, politely but clearly, all external energies, good or bad, to clear out and move away from my sacred space. This practice raises a very interesting question, which I have personally had to face: that of the vampire’s kiss. When cleansing, we always think of parting from the bad and retaining the good, but cleansing is a more dramatic practice than that. Vampires are not always intentionally hurtful or consciously preying on you: it is said that a vampire’s kiss gives you a moment of ecstasy before damning you for eternity. Good energies, such as love and friendship, are binding and limiting, and can be the source of attachments, that eventually lead to fear or neurosis, especially if the intensity of the vibration of that very emotion exceeds our energetic ability to deal with it (think of being insanely in love and forgetting your own good because your are so fully consumed by that tsunami-like feeling of Love). To give you an example, asking the energy of your Lover to leave you alone and to get out of your sacred space is interestingly one of the most potent cleansing practices you should do. Love should be retained, of course, but cleansing requires fullness, and the object of your Love should be asked to leave. Naturally, the obvious negative energies should be pushed back, but anything that can be or is a source of drain to the outside must be cleared as well. And the most positive and intense emotions and relationships in your Life fall directly under this category. So go ahead my friends, cleanse away, and be fair and balanced in this.
- Pull your aura in: and here we enter the really challenging practices, as they are to be performed at every instant of your day, whenever you prepare to re-enter the flow of your life after the clearing and cleansing is done. When you enter that space of energetic neurosis, your first goal throughout the first few days, as you roam the flow of your life, will be to stay drawn in, centered and to avoid the temptations of letting your energy leave you further. So you must pull your aura in. Visualize your aura like a bed sheet that people and events that surround you try to pull towards them. This is even more the case if you are the kind of person that people like to stay close to in order to feel taken care of, protected or inspired. This is typical of yoga teachers or people with strong energy fields. During these first few days, it will be your duty to avoid thinking of the past and future, of letting your mind be engaged in others’ flow, of letting your energy leak towards the people in your life. It is time to be Present inside! This is very true as well of people that you love or that make you feel secure. Your duty is to pull the pranic sheet back to you: as you walk in the street and someone or something catches your attention, refuse to let your mind and energy wonder, whenever you invoke the image of a loved or worshipped one to make you feel better, look inside and breathe into your heart and down into your belly. Be disciplined to the extreme about the flow of your energy, which MUST originate from within and move back within. I personally visualize 6 layers of protection, like plastic wraps a few inches away from my body, preventing anything from coming in and anything from going out. I breathe into my heart space, visualizing a cloud of prana flowing in my chest, and breathe out into my third and second chakras through raindrops resulting from the condensation of that pranic cloud located at the heart. When I see myself being pulled out of my protective space, I pull that tentacle of energy right back in and look down to avoid the temptation of dispersing myself or being drawn out. Simply put, pull your aura back in and keep it close to you, well protected within your pranic ziplock bag.
- Nurture yourself: this is the medicine that needs to be applied to promote healing. It can take many shapes and forms because we all come from different lineages and have different practices. So choose wisely and practice rigorously: meditate, move, write, cook, sleep, walk, swim, breathe. Do it. Just do it. Don’t expect any benefit beyond the practice, except the practice itself. The practice is solely here to ground you in the present moment, and to reload your energy level. Do each one of your practices with full intention, and with simplicity. And remember that at these times of danger and fear, more than ever, less is more. Do not engage in vigorous or new asana practices that you are not familiar with, or that are too draining and could lead you to feel depleted. Take it easy, nurture yourself and accept that when under the Attack, only your root and well-established practices will serve you.
- Stop it! Just remember that you are an expression of the Divine, and that although you are a part, a building block of a greater Universe, you, as an individual, are a full expression of the whole Universe in its entirety. You can watch what is going on inside you and - with full intention - decide to STOP IT! You can freely talk to your outer mind, with love and compassion, and tell it to stop it. You can caringly recognize your limitations and fears, and still find within the power to stop it. So say it. Mantras help, and they don’t have to be complex invocations in foreign languages. As my beloved Shannon told me so many times, tell yourself, at the appropriate moment: ‘I can stop this now!’. And you will.
And now you will want to ask: ‘should I not try to understand and figure out and comprehend and analyze and resolve and process, as a means of fighting the intrusion more effectively?’. It is key indeed to observe your pattern and witness what kick-starts it, whether it is an attachment to someone, a fear of loss or isolation or whatever else. You might even come to understand that very basic environmental conditions, from the weather, to your diet or a vacuum of activities in your Life can easily switch on the neurosis. The better you understand the root cause of all this, the more your will be able to see it coming. You may not be able to prevent it, but the earlier your will see it switch on, the earlier and the more effectively you will be able to activate the practices we have mentioned above.
And every time, it will get easier. Shorter. And you will feel further empowered as you start gaining fractions of control over your inner workings.
Just remember, you are the Universe. This is not happening TO you. This is happening WITHIN you.
So today, as the vibration strikes, I say STOP!
It happened to me not too long ago, in the most cataclysmical intensity that I have ever come to face in my Lifetime. And it is happening again today. However, I feel that today, I am able to see it coming, I am able to feel the rotten smell of that pranic invasion and to feel the presence of the beast behind my back. Last night, as I went to bed, I knew it was there. I could feel its glowing wet yellow eyes on my back. I could feel the hair on the little of my neck rise. I could smell around me the sudden withdrawal of air and space, as if I was suddenly being concealed in an air-tight chamber, knowing very well that oxygen would not take long to run out.
I felt it.
And because I was able to feel it, I am activating today all the protection I need to fight back in full potency, avoid another dramatic collapse of my energy and emotional level, and sustain the integrity of my sacred space and soul. How? Ah… That is an exceptional question. I do not have an answer, but I have many. We all have an underlying pattern when it comes to experiencing fear. Although moving into full analysis of the patterns as the attack hits is usually too late, you must be able to pinpoint immediately that gut feeling that is dawning upon you. But I will get back to that later. I will focus now on what can be done, from my humble experience, to push back the insanity, the energetic theft, the vibration of fear, right as it hits.
- Clear the space: as it hits, exclude from your pranic space anything that is not exclusively You: music that reminds you of something or someone, smells that pull you to loved ones, food that is not your very own favorite and most balancing option, clothes that you bought with or for someone, necklace, statues and other representations of living beings or ishta devatas (deities)… This very effectively helps you push back out anything that could be at the root of the intrusion, whether you am conscious of it or not. By reducing the clutter around and inside you, and by retaining or bringing in things that are very exclusively you (I do highlight the ‘exclusively’), you can achieve grounding and clarity at an amazing speed. This sounds silly, but in my case, it goes as far as wearing clothes or playing music that I purchased when I was single, wearing a perfume that I wore during my young adult (single) years, eating bread that I no longer buy but that I had the habit of eating daily when I was growing up…
- Cleanse the space: this is a tricky one. Cleansing is an important practice, but if we rely on external forces or faces to help us cleanse the space, we may end up putting in jeopardy the space clearing exercise that we have completed as an initial step. Cleansing should be done, in these specific moments of strong vibrational fear, exclusively from the inside to the outside, and with no reliance whatsoever on external media or intervention. I am very much in favor of using white sage or a simple stick of incense (light neutral smell only), and avoid as much as possible calling upon Gods, gurus or other incarnated energies to help me clear the space. While we all have (or should have) a protector, it remains an external force, and while its help can be of use, I personally talk directly to external energies as I walk around the house while burning sage, and invite, politely but clearly, all external energies, good or bad, to clear out and move away from my sacred space. This practice raises a very interesting question, which I have personally had to face: that of the vampire’s kiss. When cleansing, we always think of parting from the bad and retaining the good, but cleansing is a more dramatic practice than that. Vampires are not always intentionally hurtful or consciously preying on you: it is said that a vampire’s kiss gives you a moment of ecstasy before damning you for eternity. Good energies, such as love and friendship, are binding and limiting, and can be the source of attachments, that eventually lead to fear or neurosis, especially if the intensity of the vibration of that very emotion exceeds our energetic ability to deal with it (think of being insanely in love and forgetting your own good because your are so fully consumed by that tsunami-like feeling of Love). To give you an example, asking the energy of your Lover to leave you alone and to get out of your sacred space is interestingly one of the most potent cleansing practices you should do. Love should be retained, of course, but cleansing requires fullness, and the object of your Love should be asked to leave. Naturally, the obvious negative energies should be pushed back, but anything that can be or is a source of drain to the outside must be cleared as well. And the most positive and intense emotions and relationships in your Life fall directly under this category. So go ahead my friends, cleanse away, and be fair and balanced in this.
- Pull your aura in: and here we enter the really challenging practices, as they are to be performed at every instant of your day, whenever you prepare to re-enter the flow of your life after the clearing and cleansing is done. When you enter that space of energetic neurosis, your first goal throughout the first few days, as you roam the flow of your life, will be to stay drawn in, centered and to avoid the temptations of letting your energy leave you further. So you must pull your aura in. Visualize your aura like a bed sheet that people and events that surround you try to pull towards them. This is even more the case if you are the kind of person that people like to stay close to in order to feel taken care of, protected or inspired. This is typical of yoga teachers or people with strong energy fields. During these first few days, it will be your duty to avoid thinking of the past and future, of letting your mind be engaged in others’ flow, of letting your energy leak towards the people in your life. It is time to be Present inside! This is very true as well of people that you love or that make you feel secure. Your duty is to pull the pranic sheet back to you: as you walk in the street and someone or something catches your attention, refuse to let your mind and energy wonder, whenever you invoke the image of a loved or worshipped one to make you feel better, look inside and breathe into your heart and down into your belly. Be disciplined to the extreme about the flow of your energy, which MUST originate from within and move back within. I personally visualize 6 layers of protection, like plastic wraps a few inches away from my body, preventing anything from coming in and anything from going out. I breathe into my heart space, visualizing a cloud of prana flowing in my chest, and breathe out into my third and second chakras through raindrops resulting from the condensation of that pranic cloud located at the heart. When I see myself being pulled out of my protective space, I pull that tentacle of energy right back in and look down to avoid the temptation of dispersing myself or being drawn out. Simply put, pull your aura back in and keep it close to you, well protected within your pranic ziplock bag.
- Nurture yourself: this is the medicine that needs to be applied to promote healing. It can take many shapes and forms because we all come from different lineages and have different practices. So choose wisely and practice rigorously: meditate, move, write, cook, sleep, walk, swim, breathe. Do it. Just do it. Don’t expect any benefit beyond the practice, except the practice itself. The practice is solely here to ground you in the present moment, and to reload your energy level. Do each one of your practices with full intention, and with simplicity. And remember that at these times of danger and fear, more than ever, less is more. Do not engage in vigorous or new asana practices that you are not familiar with, or that are too draining and could lead you to feel depleted. Take it easy, nurture yourself and accept that when under the Attack, only your root and well-established practices will serve you.
- Stop it! Just remember that you are an expression of the Divine, and that although you are a part, a building block of a greater Universe, you, as an individual, are a full expression of the whole Universe in its entirety. You can watch what is going on inside you and - with full intention - decide to STOP IT! You can freely talk to your outer mind, with love and compassion, and tell it to stop it. You can caringly recognize your limitations and fears, and still find within the power to stop it. So say it. Mantras help, and they don’t have to be complex invocations in foreign languages. As my beloved Shannon told me so many times, tell yourself, at the appropriate moment: ‘I can stop this now!’. And you will.
And now you will want to ask: ‘should I not try to understand and figure out and comprehend and analyze and resolve and process, as a means of fighting the intrusion more effectively?’. It is key indeed to observe your pattern and witness what kick-starts it, whether it is an attachment to someone, a fear of loss or isolation or whatever else. You might even come to understand that very basic environmental conditions, from the weather, to your diet or a vacuum of activities in your Life can easily switch on the neurosis. The better you understand the root cause of all this, the more your will be able to see it coming. You may not be able to prevent it, but the earlier your will see it switch on, the earlier and the more effectively you will be able to activate the practices we have mentioned above.
And every time, it will get easier. Shorter. And you will feel further empowered as you start gaining fractions of control over your inner workings.
Just remember, you are the Universe. This is not happening TO you. This is happening WITHIN you.
So today, as the vibration strikes, I say STOP!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Being faithful
How do you define being faithful? Not in terms of manifesting exclusivity. Not in promising monogamy.
Here is what I came up with a few months ago with my dear friend Christine: 'Out of all the times I am going to be wanting to have sex, I will choose to be having it with you, or not.'
Being faithful is about intensity, but also about surrendering to your Love.
Ay mi amor, ay mio...
IY
Here is what I came up with a few months ago with my dear friend Christine: 'Out of all the times I am going to be wanting to have sex, I will choose to be having it with you, or not.'
Being faithful is about intensity, but also about surrendering to your Love.
Ay mi amor, ay mio...
IY
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
When things come to an end…
Life is a river. Often, we try to preempt its currents and depth, but more often than not, true healing occurs when we allow ourselves to bathe in its flow first, and let it indicate to us where things are going. Recently, I have been reminded that when we resolve our energetic issues and heal our Pranic wounds, things organically become clear, and the shift spontaneously happens.
For a long time, I have been in a sea of Change, that I had been willingly invoking, and that had proven necessary on so many levels. Nataraja was showering me with his blessings and taking me down the road I had never travelled.
But once things clear and the inner sky becomes bright enough, it is necessary to acknowledge that time has come to honor the shift, and move on.
The pain and inner winding I have been going through in the last year has been necessary, and has allowed more than one amazing thing to occur. Love has ended, and Love has come to me again. My plans have been shattered, and a new Life has emerged, unseen but inevitable. People have left, and new ones have arrived. Most importantly, I have changed, and time for recognition has come.
This week, I am parting from two of the strongest energies that have guided my Life in the last 6 years. Last week, I have taken the last steps towrds something that had become obvious and necessary. Nataraja, whom I worship and thank always, had to move on from me to other grounds that need his Sacred Dance of Destruction - for I no longer need it. He is out of my house for now, and the space left behind will be occupied by none other than me. I have new partners too, the Lover and the Goddess, but I am now ready to move into the center of my Life, and lead from this place of clarity. And today, the person who had blessed my Life with Love and Presence and Devotion and Patience for many years is going too. Officially, but also energetically. The closure has arrived and can no longer be denied.
And so, in 30 minutes, I will be going to the French Embassy to dissolve the last thing that needs to be dissolved: my legal union to my ex-Life Partner. We have given each other all that we had to give. Too much some will say, but all that there was. As Rumi says: ‘give everything that you are, knowing it is nothing’. And as we have, it is now time to honor the end of that Sacred Cycle, and let Peace take residence in our Lives.
In an hour, I will be officially single. I will not give myself away to the new Love that has blessed my Life. No. I will occupy that space wholly. Challenging as it is for me, I will learn to step into my Castle and refuse anyone else to be there besides Me. It will not be easy, because it has been my habit to lean on others or allow others to be supported by me. Thanks to energy healers, friends and my Sacred Self, I have been able to discover and inhabit my aura more than I ever have. And from the top of this mountain that I have newly climbed, I will Love, be loved, and let the Creativity, the Self-Trust and the Love for the Universe grow. With no more expectations and the resolution to be within, here and now.
The practice is only starting, but old as I am getting, it is about time.
When things come to an end, it is time to rest. And to invite the fragrant flowers into one’s heart.
With Trust and Faith.
All Love.
All ways.
IY
For a long time, I have been in a sea of Change, that I had been willingly invoking, and that had proven necessary on so many levels. Nataraja was showering me with his blessings and taking me down the road I had never travelled.
But once things clear and the inner sky becomes bright enough, it is necessary to acknowledge that time has come to honor the shift, and move on.
The pain and inner winding I have been going through in the last year has been necessary, and has allowed more than one amazing thing to occur. Love has ended, and Love has come to me again. My plans have been shattered, and a new Life has emerged, unseen but inevitable. People have left, and new ones have arrived. Most importantly, I have changed, and time for recognition has come.
This week, I am parting from two of the strongest energies that have guided my Life in the last 6 years. Last week, I have taken the last steps towrds something that had become obvious and necessary. Nataraja, whom I worship and thank always, had to move on from me to other grounds that need his Sacred Dance of Destruction - for I no longer need it. He is out of my house for now, and the space left behind will be occupied by none other than me. I have new partners too, the Lover and the Goddess, but I am now ready to move into the center of my Life, and lead from this place of clarity. And today, the person who had blessed my Life with Love and Presence and Devotion and Patience for many years is going too. Officially, but also energetically. The closure has arrived and can no longer be denied.
And so, in 30 minutes, I will be going to the French Embassy to dissolve the last thing that needs to be dissolved: my legal union to my ex-Life Partner. We have given each other all that we had to give. Too much some will say, but all that there was. As Rumi says: ‘give everything that you are, knowing it is nothing’. And as we have, it is now time to honor the end of that Sacred Cycle, and let Peace take residence in our Lives.
In an hour, I will be officially single. I will not give myself away to the new Love that has blessed my Life. No. I will occupy that space wholly. Challenging as it is for me, I will learn to step into my Castle and refuse anyone else to be there besides Me. It will not be easy, because it has been my habit to lean on others or allow others to be supported by me. Thanks to energy healers, friends and my Sacred Self, I have been able to discover and inhabit my aura more than I ever have. And from the top of this mountain that I have newly climbed, I will Love, be loved, and let the Creativity, the Self-Trust and the Love for the Universe grow. With no more expectations and the resolution to be within, here and now.
The practice is only starting, but old as I am getting, it is about time.
When things come to an end, it is time to rest. And to invite the fragrant flowers into one’s heart.
With Trust and Faith.
All Love.
All ways.
IY
Monday, April 20, 2009
The Holy Void
I am alone. I am not single. I am alone.
But the heart space is pounding.
For months now, I have been surfing an unexpected river of Love, of devotion, of presence and of intense pleasure. Not a day goes by without my feeling whole and blessed. Not a day goes by that I look at my Life and see treasures to enjoy and light to bask in. The challenges and obstacles are there, but they seem to have been brought along only to highlight how much stronger the beauty of the Shri is. Every day, whether I am alone or not, I am never alone.
He who has entered the castle of my heart has come here to open my heart. And he does. I am so in Love, so with Love that I drown in the oddest mixture of grace and uncontrollable vibration. His name does not matter. His looks, most attractive and acutely endearing as they are, matter not. I am at peace and at play just standing by his side. I am swimming in heaven when I fall asleep against him, only to awake lost in the delightful trap of his arms and legs. I crave his body and lips and stare and voice and scent. I crave being who I am when he is around. Rarely have I felt so moved to be more of myself, to immerse deeper into the fullness of what I can be.
He is a practice, and a challenging one sometimes. Seeing him relish in his independence and observing people ignite in his proximity… I wish I could save this only for myself, but it is the very fact that he is of the world and in the world that makes me vibrate with Love. I will never own him, and in this, I have found freedom. I must feel content - and do - with the fact that he is giving me everything, except himself. He has pushed me into my Shakti, Goddess, territory, in ways no one had before. It is blissful, but the control-freak, shiva side of me is struggling to let go. To surrender and just receive. And through this building the foundation of a future together. Not keeping things close and tight with the sheer strength of my arms. Trusting. Myself before him or the Universe. Accepting that I can only immerse myself in the delight of the moment, as it is, a great grand fulfilling and overwhelmingly catalyst of joy, while refusing to save some for later. Holding the moment as it is, not freezing it to save it for tomorrow.
I have, through the Love that has emerged around us in this most unexpected relationship, been given the superb opportunity to practice acceptance and standing still in the frantic tremors of my Heart. I am scared often. But I need only remember who I am, and who he is, to feel safe that what needs to happen will happen. Even miracles. Especially miracles.
And so I love. Whether I am alone or I am with him.
I love.
Because that’s what I do best.
But the heart space is pounding.
For months now, I have been surfing an unexpected river of Love, of devotion, of presence and of intense pleasure. Not a day goes by without my feeling whole and blessed. Not a day goes by that I look at my Life and see treasures to enjoy and light to bask in. The challenges and obstacles are there, but they seem to have been brought along only to highlight how much stronger the beauty of the Shri is. Every day, whether I am alone or not, I am never alone.
He who has entered the castle of my heart has come here to open my heart. And he does. I am so in Love, so with Love that I drown in the oddest mixture of grace and uncontrollable vibration. His name does not matter. His looks, most attractive and acutely endearing as they are, matter not. I am at peace and at play just standing by his side. I am swimming in heaven when I fall asleep against him, only to awake lost in the delightful trap of his arms and legs. I crave his body and lips and stare and voice and scent. I crave being who I am when he is around. Rarely have I felt so moved to be more of myself, to immerse deeper into the fullness of what I can be.
He is a practice, and a challenging one sometimes. Seeing him relish in his independence and observing people ignite in his proximity… I wish I could save this only for myself, but it is the very fact that he is of the world and in the world that makes me vibrate with Love. I will never own him, and in this, I have found freedom. I must feel content - and do - with the fact that he is giving me everything, except himself. He has pushed me into my Shakti, Goddess, territory, in ways no one had before. It is blissful, but the control-freak, shiva side of me is struggling to let go. To surrender and just receive. And through this building the foundation of a future together. Not keeping things close and tight with the sheer strength of my arms. Trusting. Myself before him or the Universe. Accepting that I can only immerse myself in the delight of the moment, as it is, a great grand fulfilling and overwhelmingly catalyst of joy, while refusing to save some for later. Holding the moment as it is, not freezing it to save it for tomorrow.
I have, through the Love that has emerged around us in this most unexpected relationship, been given the superb opportunity to practice acceptance and standing still in the frantic tremors of my Heart. I am scared often. But I need only remember who I am, and who he is, to feel safe that what needs to happen will happen. Even miracles. Especially miracles.
And so I love. Whether I am alone or I am with him.
I love.
Because that’s what I do best.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
I didn't come here of my own accord, and I can't leave that way. Whoever brought me here will have to take me Home.
Hi all,
I have been silent for a while. And needed to. When one goes through intense motions of transformation, ecstatic and beautiful as they are, privacy is of the essence. And as I come out again, transformed, renewed and refreshed, I am ready to talk.
New job, flourishing love, resolved heart injuries. Plenty on the plate, and all under one single omen: simplicity.
I will see you all next week end for practice at Chevron and NAC. And Copper and I are preparing, if things work out between my schedule and Pure's space, a string of amazing community events, and primarily a Yoga Trance Dance to celebrate the opportunities that arise out of this amazing crisis we are all navigating through.
Remember that Love is not the solution, but all there really is to anything.
F
All day
I think about it,
then at night
I say it.
"Where did I come from,
and what am I supposed
to be doing?"
I have no idea.
My soul is from elsewhere,
I'm sure of that,
and I intend to end up there.
This drunkenness
began in some other tavern.
When I get back around to that place,
I'll be completely sober.
Meanwhile, I'm like a bird
from another continent, siting in this aviary.
The day is coming when I fly off,
but who is it now in my ear, who hears my voice?
Who says words with my mouth?
Who looks out with my eyes? What is the soul?
I cannot stop asking.
If I could taste one sip of an answer,
I could break out of this prison for drunks.
I didn't come here of my own accord, and I can't leave that way.
Whoever brought me here will have to take me Home.
This poetry. I never know what I'm going to say.
I don't plan it.
When I'm outside the saying of it,
I get very quiet and rarely speak at all.
Shams Tabriz, if you would show your face to me again
I could flee, the imposition of this life.
- Rumi, version by Coleman Barks
I have been silent for a while. And needed to. When one goes through intense motions of transformation, ecstatic and beautiful as they are, privacy is of the essence. And as I come out again, transformed, renewed and refreshed, I am ready to talk.
New job, flourishing love, resolved heart injuries. Plenty on the plate, and all under one single omen: simplicity.
I will see you all next week end for practice at Chevron and NAC. And Copper and I are preparing, if things work out between my schedule and Pure's space, a string of amazing community events, and primarily a Yoga Trance Dance to celebrate the opportunities that arise out of this amazing crisis we are all navigating through.
Remember that Love is not the solution, but all there really is to anything.
F
All day
I think about it,
then at night
I say it.
"Where did I come from,
and what am I supposed
to be doing?"
I have no idea.
My soul is from elsewhere,
I'm sure of that,
and I intend to end up there.
This drunkenness
began in some other tavern.
When I get back around to that place,
I'll be completely sober.
Meanwhile, I'm like a bird
from another continent, siting in this aviary.
The day is coming when I fly off,
but who is it now in my ear, who hears my voice?
Who says words with my mouth?
Who looks out with my eyes? What is the soul?
I cannot stop asking.
If I could taste one sip of an answer,
I could break out of this prison for drunks.
I didn't come here of my own accord, and I can't leave that way.
Whoever brought me here will have to take me Home.
This poetry. I never know what I'm going to say.
I don't plan it.
When I'm outside the saying of it,
I get very quiet and rarely speak at all.
Shams Tabriz, if you would show your face to me again
I could flee, the imposition of this life.
- Rumi, version by Coleman Barks
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Grace...
pale sunlight
pale the wall
love moves away,
the light changes
i need more grace
than i thought
- Rumi
pale the wall
love moves away,
the light changes
i need more grace
than i thought
- Rumi
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