As a result of a very nasty car crash I suffered when I was 17 on Xmas Eve, and in which I very, very nearly died, my right shoulder and upper back have been frozen for years. Besides the horrible sequence of events on that night, I owe the stiffness in my right body to the fact that the young docs in this provincial French hospital were busier partying in the staff room next door than reducing my fracture and realigning the bones. That was most certainly a result of my karma, and it allowed me to come to yoga with enough challenges to understand intimately what most injured or unfit students go through in an average class.
Anyway, years of practice and trust in my teachers, Shiva and Patrick, have allowed me to enter Urdhva Dhanusarana, and to actually enjoy it. It was a long journey to work through a blocked rotator cuff, but it was most certainly worth it.
(The video is courtesy of a most lovely young lady from Brunei, who attends workshops at Pure from time to time and has a truly delicious blog called Dhanurasana)
Friday, December 14, 2007
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Hilarious, the inquisition is back out of the cave. Hide your sticky mats away before they send you to Hell!
A question that does come up from time to time. Can you practice yoga if you are a believer of one of the main three monotheist religions. I would say yes, but Pat Robertson would not agree. Though he seems to like his stretch :)
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2007/11/29/pat-robertson-not-down-wi_n_74527.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2007/11/29/pat-robertson-not-down-wi_n_74527.html
Friday, December 7, 2007
I wish I could hold you to a big smile
Today, I spoke to a dear friend of mine. The True kind, honest and frank, loud and clear, soft and tender, who lives too far away from me, unfortunately. She told me she had just lost a little baby that had been in her for only 12 short weeks. Miscarriage, they call it. I just don't know what to say, it seems no word, no sentence can create healing after that. Except I love you. So my dear, I love you, I will be with you through this, I will dedicate my sacred practice to you and will hug you energetically throughout the day. Until we meet again, for a very real hug. But for now, I love you.
I love you.
IY
I love you.
IY
Actions, reactions, finger pointing and breathing through
It seems my last post triggered reactions: I explained in it my experience of a recent workshop and my personal reasons for not connecting with Anusara. This offended a reader, who also happens to be a student. That's good, I write to trigger emotions, and these are not always pretty ones. In addition, I believe that for 25 silent agreeable readers, there always is one that loudly shouts out and asks for your head to roll. Such is public life. Go ask Marie-Antoinette :)
I explained in my last post, which I have taken off line to prevent anyone from broadcasting 'wisely selected' pieces of it, my reasons, my uniquely personal reasons for not enjoying Anusara, as a student. I have practiced Anusara for several years now, used to be an avid and daily practitioner for a very long time, and have had the chance to learn from a number of Anusara teachers, many amazing ones, which entitles me to an opinion as a student, good or bad.
My intention, as a unique individual, with my own experience, feelings and perspective, was to explain why I thought this method was not the right thing for some, why it did not work on my body type, and why I did not subscribe to its philosophical iterations. No more, no less, a perfect blog entry, most people would reckon. Well, most people only.
I will not give you the link to the bitter response my blog got, because it is not my approach to criticize and finger-point people's views and feelings. This person, like me, is entitled to her reaction and thoughts, and I will thus not broadcast her entry on my blog to stigmatize her. Instead, I would congratulate her on loving her practice dearly enough to feel annoyed by my entry. Annoyed is good, angry is great, as it all is an expression of our innate creative energy, like love or passion.
As a student of yoga, I will tell her that I would truly like her to respect my experience. Although I am a teacher a few hours a week, I am first and foremost a student, like her. I would invite her to keep an open mind and not make inaccurate assumptions about my past or Life. She should acknowledge my right to report how I lived the experience, my right to shape my own views, extreme as they are, and the fact that though she loves something, some people won't.
Lastly, I would like to thank her for her feed-back and honesty, and invite her to introduce her Self to me after my next class, so I can put a face and a smile on the words.
Shanti
IY
'Anger, fear, hate, and jealousy are great gifts. Finally we leave spiritual mirage behind. We are no longer this sanitized being, smelling sweetly of lotus flower perfume. We smell like hate. We stink of it. This is reality. This is unity, at last!' (Daniel Odier, Yoga Spandakarika)
I explained in my last post, which I have taken off line to prevent anyone from broadcasting 'wisely selected' pieces of it, my reasons, my uniquely personal reasons for not enjoying Anusara, as a student. I have practiced Anusara for several years now, used to be an avid and daily practitioner for a very long time, and have had the chance to learn from a number of Anusara teachers, many amazing ones, which entitles me to an opinion as a student, good or bad.
My intention, as a unique individual, with my own experience, feelings and perspective, was to explain why I thought this method was not the right thing for some, why it did not work on my body type, and why I did not subscribe to its philosophical iterations. No more, no less, a perfect blog entry, most people would reckon. Well, most people only.
I will not give you the link to the bitter response my blog got, because it is not my approach to criticize and finger-point people's views and feelings. This person, like me, is entitled to her reaction and thoughts, and I will thus not broadcast her entry on my blog to stigmatize her. Instead, I would congratulate her on loving her practice dearly enough to feel annoyed by my entry. Annoyed is good, angry is great, as it all is an expression of our innate creative energy, like love or passion.
As a student of yoga, I will tell her that I would truly like her to respect my experience. Although I am a teacher a few hours a week, I am first and foremost a student, like her. I would invite her to keep an open mind and not make inaccurate assumptions about my past or Life. She should acknowledge my right to report how I lived the experience, my right to shape my own views, extreme as they are, and the fact that though she loves something, some people won't.
Lastly, I would like to thank her for her feed-back and honesty, and invite her to introduce her Self to me after my next class, so I can put a face and a smile on the words.
Shanti
IY
'Anger, fear, hate, and jealousy are great gifts. Finally we leave spiritual mirage behind. We are no longer this sanitized being, smelling sweetly of lotus flower perfume. We smell like hate. We stink of it. This is reality. This is unity, at last!' (Daniel Odier, Yoga Spandakarika)
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Kalari grading, children, observance, core and dreams
I have rarely felt so weak, spent, and emptied out to my bones than today. After a pretty intense yoga practice at home yesterday afternoon (the sort where - for no reason - you go into every possible arm balance that your mind remembers ever hearing of), I rushed to Kalari, for training and ... GRADING!
In the train, the effect of my practice were clear already, I was dozing off, and had too little energy to move around when people entered the train. In addition, my core had left me for a better world, and my belly was no longer holding in. At all. This is the great and energetic state in which I arrived at Kalari practice. Late (you walk more slowly when your legs are as strong at a soaked hor fun noodle). Anyhow, I reached the Dojo and was surprised to see about 30 or so other people ready for grading, warming up in great style in the room, and an even larger number of parents, partners and children around the room, to watch the event. And then, after 12 minutes (this is how much time my brain took to process this much information), it hit me: A CROWD!!!! No no no no no no no no no no no. I was never informed that there would be a crowd, people, humans, with eyes, ears and mouths, watching my attempt at Kalari. No. Oh no. I almost felt stressed, but then again, that would have required that I have some energy left, which was not the case. The first bad surprise of the day was out, and it was not too bad. I could manage a crowd, either by not caring or being incredibly good. I could do either.
Second bad surprise of the day. My tired eyes (still half way covered by heavy lids) had not noticed that we were all to be sorted by belt color. White for me. I am a newbie, and proud (for a few more seconds). And as we sort ourselves out (feels very hat sorting, harry potter like :p), i ended up not in Gryffindor, but in pre-pre-school. All other white belts were about 3 to 6 years of age. Of course, people usually start martial arts earlier than 30. Oh Lord Shiva, save me from self-combustion. To give you an idea, yellow belts were around 12 to 16 years of age, orange belts up to 26 and blacks belts above.
Obviously, Master Edward was kind enough not to get me to go through the whole grading practice with the other white belts. I am not sure if he did that to save my face, to acknowledge my more advanced skills, or simply because he was scared I would crush one of these little ones when doing my break falls. Anyway, it worked out ok, i did all my falls (1 to 12, which is a yellow/orange belt level). My moving steps worked wonderfully, my Suvudu were beautiful (though slow, but everyone told me it was better that way cause i showed the judges I knew each step in detail). My VT (attack/self-defense) were very lame though. I was bad, and the guy fighting me too uncertain of his movements too. So bad that Master asked me again to come up 'on stage' and redo them, with someone else. And I did better.
After that, we went on outside for the physical strength test. I passed with flying colors, but that was easy for me: core with a little wheel in your hands, lifting up and down, 20 knuckle push-ups (I looooooooove chaturanga dandasana). Others, including the older ones, were having a rough time, surprisingly though.
I think I did OK, but the most gratifying moment of the evening is when 2 of the yellow belts, about 14 years of age, told me, as we were sitting down waiting for the last grading, 'you did very well, you don't worry, your technique is very good'. I am always amazed when children display greater maturity and compassion than adults. And that they acknowledge my anxiety and have no problem extending a virtual hand to lift me up is amazing. If adults were less cocky and as in tune with the Energetic Heart as these kids and teenagers, the world would surely be a better place than it is. And that applies to the government of this VERY VERY VERY imperfect fucking island.
Something I have really come to learn, appreciate and enjoy in Kalari, is the power of observing. About a third of the practice involves, for all of us, to observe others display their steps. At first, my hyperactive pitta nature thought it was a waste of time and practice, and that we ought to be practicing. But over time, and thanks to Master Edwards, I have sat down, watched, meditated and absorbed. And oh my god! I had never realised how important in the learning process it is to observe, look at more senior people practice. Not that I am to learn their steps, but watching them move gracefully and lightly, I absorb the essence of the practice, its lightness, its spirit, my destination. And I have been amazed by how much I have taken in and progressed, without any expectation or realization of it. I had always been aware of the power of visual display, and that is why I am so drawn to Shiva Rea, who deeply believes in the role of the teacher in embodying yoga for the benefits of students. I believe in demonstrating in class. But I am even a greater believer of that now. It is such a powerful way to transmit energy and eternal intelligence without words. I worsship the ability of our body to convey, and the power of the senses to absorb.
But as a result of all this excitement yesterday, I am left, for the first time truly in my life, with no core. I can't even hold myself sitting up, my belly is floating out, and I can't laugh or talk too long... Let's worship that today, and take it easy then. I a off to Little India for a lovely meal (my delish South India Thali), and to soak in the lights of Deepavali.
And to close, I had the weirdest dreams last night: Imperfect Husband (VERY IMPERFECT in my dream) had been cheating on me for a long while, with a GIRL! And he showed no remorse, no concern, no emotion. That is, that's all. I was speechless. And single. And then, my mom was doing the same to my dad, with a man, and that was it too. Damn, I woke up in a nasty mood, and it took a few good minutes for the bad energy to wear off. I wonder what that means. I did ask Imperfect Husband if there was anything I should know though... Seems there isn't.
Long post today.
Shanti and love.
PS: I will know next Saturday if I made it to the next Kalari belt. If not, I suck big time, if so, I rock and rule :P
In the train, the effect of my practice were clear already, I was dozing off, and had too little energy to move around when people entered the train. In addition, my core had left me for a better world, and my belly was no longer holding in. At all. This is the great and energetic state in which I arrived at Kalari practice. Late (you walk more slowly when your legs are as strong at a soaked hor fun noodle). Anyhow, I reached the Dojo and was surprised to see about 30 or so other people ready for grading, warming up in great style in the room, and an even larger number of parents, partners and children around the room, to watch the event. And then, after 12 minutes (this is how much time my brain took to process this much information), it hit me: A CROWD!!!! No no no no no no no no no no no. I was never informed that there would be a crowd, people, humans, with eyes, ears and mouths, watching my attempt at Kalari. No. Oh no. I almost felt stressed, but then again, that would have required that I have some energy left, which was not the case. The first bad surprise of the day was out, and it was not too bad. I could manage a crowd, either by not caring or being incredibly good. I could do either.
Second bad surprise of the day. My tired eyes (still half way covered by heavy lids) had not noticed that we were all to be sorted by belt color. White for me. I am a newbie, and proud (for a few more seconds). And as we sort ourselves out (feels very hat sorting, harry potter like :p), i ended up not in Gryffindor, but in pre-pre-school. All other white belts were about 3 to 6 years of age. Of course, people usually start martial arts earlier than 30. Oh Lord Shiva, save me from self-combustion. To give you an idea, yellow belts were around 12 to 16 years of age, orange belts up to 26 and blacks belts above.
Obviously, Master Edward was kind enough not to get me to go through the whole grading practice with the other white belts. I am not sure if he did that to save my face, to acknowledge my more advanced skills, or simply because he was scared I would crush one of these little ones when doing my break falls. Anyway, it worked out ok, i did all my falls (1 to 12, which is a yellow/orange belt level). My moving steps worked wonderfully, my Suvudu were beautiful (though slow, but everyone told me it was better that way cause i showed the judges I knew each step in detail). My VT (attack/self-defense) were very lame though. I was bad, and the guy fighting me too uncertain of his movements too. So bad that Master asked me again to come up 'on stage' and redo them, with someone else. And I did better.
After that, we went on outside for the physical strength test. I passed with flying colors, but that was easy for me: core with a little wheel in your hands, lifting up and down, 20 knuckle push-ups (I looooooooove chaturanga dandasana). Others, including the older ones, were having a rough time, surprisingly though.
I think I did OK, but the most gratifying moment of the evening is when 2 of the yellow belts, about 14 years of age, told me, as we were sitting down waiting for the last grading, 'you did very well, you don't worry, your technique is very good'. I am always amazed when children display greater maturity and compassion than adults. And that they acknowledge my anxiety and have no problem extending a virtual hand to lift me up is amazing. If adults were less cocky and as in tune with the Energetic Heart as these kids and teenagers, the world would surely be a better place than it is. And that applies to the government of this VERY VERY VERY imperfect fucking island.
Something I have really come to learn, appreciate and enjoy in Kalari, is the power of observing. About a third of the practice involves, for all of us, to observe others display their steps. At first, my hyperactive pitta nature thought it was a waste of time and practice, and that we ought to be practicing. But over time, and thanks to Master Edwards, I have sat down, watched, meditated and absorbed. And oh my god! I had never realised how important in the learning process it is to observe, look at more senior people practice. Not that I am to learn their steps, but watching them move gracefully and lightly, I absorb the essence of the practice, its lightness, its spirit, my destination. And I have been amazed by how much I have taken in and progressed, without any expectation or realization of it. I had always been aware of the power of visual display, and that is why I am so drawn to Shiva Rea, who deeply believes in the role of the teacher in embodying yoga for the benefits of students. I believe in demonstrating in class. But I am even a greater believer of that now. It is such a powerful way to transmit energy and eternal intelligence without words. I worsship the ability of our body to convey, and the power of the senses to absorb.
But as a result of all this excitement yesterday, I am left, for the first time truly in my life, with no core. I can't even hold myself sitting up, my belly is floating out, and I can't laugh or talk too long... Let's worship that today, and take it easy then. I a off to Little India for a lovely meal (my delish South India Thali), and to soak in the lights of Deepavali.
And to close, I had the weirdest dreams last night: Imperfect Husband (VERY IMPERFECT in my dream) had been cheating on me for a long while, with a GIRL! And he showed no remorse, no concern, no emotion. That is, that's all. I was speechless. And single. And then, my mom was doing the same to my dad, with a man, and that was it too. Damn, I woke up in a nasty mood, and it took a few good minutes for the bad energy to wear off. I wonder what that means. I did ask Imperfect Husband if there was anything I should know though... Seems there isn't.
Long post today.
Shanti and love.
PS: I will know next Saturday if I made it to the next Kalari belt. If not, I suck big time, if so, I rock and rule :P
Monday, October 29, 2007
Change is in the air
For those who wonder why everything seems to be going into bursting destruction and change this year, 2008 is the year of Shiva. If you wonder who Shiva is, read this. Shiva is part of the Hindu holy trinity, and is the third God (not in ranking of importance though): Brahma is the Creator, Vishnu the Preserver, and Shiva has the honor of being the Destroyer. Pretty scary deity for some, when he walks around with his necklace made of human skulls and his blue skin.
All in all, Shiva is the best deity around, I feel. It definitely took a tall blue-skinned violent God to kick me strong in the butt and get me to move ahead in my Life. I felt so sure about the need to leave my job and life as an investment banker, and yet... You know you are burying yourself in a life of seemingly plenty, but even the money does not help make it feel bearable anymore. And yet it seems impossible to have the balls to put an end to it all. Start anew and be who you are destined to be. And I made it. I guess a lot of things made that possible, first of all people: Imperfect Husband, Perfect Guru (who is interestingly called Shiva as well), and an intuition that I should trust the Universe.
And I can't believe how good it feels. Not only has the Universe brought me all I needed since then, job, money, house... but it really feels good to wake up in the morning and not feel like you have a stone in the stomach cause you have to go to work, which you hate, and you must leave home, which you love. It never really stroke me as that simple, but the key to being happy is really to do more of the things that we like, and less of those we don't. The big big sticking point is, though, that years, decades, centuries of catholic and protestant rambling on this world (and I believe I can safely extent that statement to other monotheist religions) have raised guilt, suffering and misery to the altar of worship, and most of our friends in this Life feel unsafe and guilty when they actually are at ease, in love, happy and content. Well, after roughly 20 odd years of denying my true nature and 10 more forcing myself down a path that I had been convinced was my own, I decided to throw my foot down onto the Earth, shatter the chains and live in the Truth. Was not easy, but fully worth the while. And once you are there, you wonder why you did not do it before. It was not meant to be, probably too early, but still. So many moments of misery, of despair, so many pounds accumulated through drinking and eating to fill a bottomless well...
And then I want to scream. I AM GAY. I AM NOT PERFECT. I AM IN LOVE. I HATED THIS LIFE OF PRETENSE. I AM A GREAT SOUL. I AM A DESERVING HUSBAND, SON, FRIEND, BROTHER. I AM THE DIVINE. I AM THE LIGHT. I AM WHO I AM. I AM.
I have so much anger, and so much compassion all at once. Two cohabiting contradicting sides of the same thing, in a very tight body (though I have much skin to house a few more people).
Life is such a gift. Don't deny the possibility of changing to upgrade your daily experience, even if that means destroying the present every night before you go to bed, to create a new present as you wake up in the morning. I love that amazing sentence by Paul Ortega, which he shared with us in LA last summer: 'Don’t wait until you are in horrible circumstances to display bigness, consciousness and spanda. Do that every day in your Life.'
Time to go and hugs my imperfect dogs, and show them the love.
Shanti OM.
IY
All in all, Shiva is the best deity around, I feel. It definitely took a tall blue-skinned violent God to kick me strong in the butt and get me to move ahead in my Life. I felt so sure about the need to leave my job and life as an investment banker, and yet... You know you are burying yourself in a life of seemingly plenty, but even the money does not help make it feel bearable anymore. And yet it seems impossible to have the balls to put an end to it all. Start anew and be who you are destined to be. And I made it. I guess a lot of things made that possible, first of all people: Imperfect Husband, Perfect Guru (who is interestingly called Shiva as well), and an intuition that I should trust the Universe.
And I can't believe how good it feels. Not only has the Universe brought me all I needed since then, job, money, house... but it really feels good to wake up in the morning and not feel like you have a stone in the stomach cause you have to go to work, which you hate, and you must leave home, which you love. It never really stroke me as that simple, but the key to being happy is really to do more of the things that we like, and less of those we don't. The big big sticking point is, though, that years, decades, centuries of catholic and protestant rambling on this world (and I believe I can safely extent that statement to other monotheist religions) have raised guilt, suffering and misery to the altar of worship, and most of our friends in this Life feel unsafe and guilty when they actually are at ease, in love, happy and content. Well, after roughly 20 odd years of denying my true nature and 10 more forcing myself down a path that I had been convinced was my own, I decided to throw my foot down onto the Earth, shatter the chains and live in the Truth. Was not easy, but fully worth the while. And once you are there, you wonder why you did not do it before. It was not meant to be, probably too early, but still. So many moments of misery, of despair, so many pounds accumulated through drinking and eating to fill a bottomless well...
And then I want to scream. I AM GAY. I AM NOT PERFECT. I AM IN LOVE. I HATED THIS LIFE OF PRETENSE. I AM A GREAT SOUL. I AM A DESERVING HUSBAND, SON, FRIEND, BROTHER. I AM THE DIVINE. I AM THE LIGHT. I AM WHO I AM. I AM.
I have so much anger, and so much compassion all at once. Two cohabiting contradicting sides of the same thing, in a very tight body (though I have much skin to house a few more people).
Life is such a gift. Don't deny the possibility of changing to upgrade your daily experience, even if that means destroying the present every night before you go to bed, to create a new present as you wake up in the morning. I love that amazing sentence by Paul Ortega, which he shared with us in LA last summer: 'Don’t wait until you are in horrible circumstances to display bigness, consciousness and spanda. Do that every day in your Life.'
Time to go and hugs my imperfect dogs, and show them the love.
Shanti OM.
IY
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Wattaweek
Wattaweek. Got my fortune told, a friend is leaving town, my sister is moving back to France, intensive practices all week, 2 Kalari sessions, a new computer, no more holidays, and plenty of good food.
Much to share, I will get down to it.
And Gopi called yeah :)
IY
Much to share, I will get down to it.
And Gopi called yeah :)
IY
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