I have rarely felt so weak, spent, and emptied out to my bones than today. After a pretty intense yoga practice at home yesterday afternoon (the sort where - for no reason - you go into every possible arm balance that your mind remembers ever hearing of), I rushed to Kalari, for training and ... GRADING!
In the train, the effect of my practice were clear already, I was dozing off, and had too little energy to move around when people entered the train. In addition, my core had left me for a better world, and my belly was no longer holding in. At all. This is the great and energetic state in which I arrived at Kalari practice. Late (you walk more slowly when your legs are as strong at a soaked hor fun noodle). Anyhow, I reached the Dojo and was surprised to see about 30 or so other people ready for grading, warming up in great style in the room, and an even larger number of parents, partners and children around the room, to watch the event. And then, after 12 minutes (this is how much time my brain took to process this much information), it hit me: A CROWD!!!! No no no no no no no no no no no. I was never informed that there would be a crowd, people, humans, with eyes, ears and mouths, watching my attempt at Kalari. No. Oh no. I almost felt stressed, but then again, that would have required that I have some energy left, which was not the case. The first bad surprise of the day was out, and it was not too bad. I could manage a crowd, either by not caring or being incredibly good. I could do either.
Second bad surprise of the day. My tired eyes (still half way covered by heavy lids) had not noticed that we were all to be sorted by belt color. White for me. I am a newbie, and proud (for a few more seconds). And as we sort ourselves out (feels very hat sorting, harry potter like :p), i ended up not in Gryffindor, but in pre-pre-school. All other white belts were about 3 to 6 years of age. Of course, people usually start martial arts earlier than 30. Oh Lord Shiva, save me from self-combustion. To give you an idea, yellow belts were around 12 to 16 years of age, orange belts up to 26 and blacks belts above.
Obviously, Master Edward was kind enough not to get me to go through the whole grading practice with the other white belts. I am not sure if he did that to save my face, to acknowledge my more advanced skills, or simply because he was scared I would crush one of these little ones when doing my break falls. Anyway, it worked out ok, i did all my falls (1 to 12, which is a yellow/orange belt level). My moving steps worked wonderfully, my Suvudu were beautiful (though slow, but everyone told me it was better that way cause i showed the judges I knew each step in detail). My VT (attack/self-defense) were very lame though. I was bad, and the guy fighting me too uncertain of his movements too. So bad that Master asked me again to come up 'on stage' and redo them, with someone else. And I did better.
After that, we went on outside for the physical strength test. I passed with flying colors, but that was easy for me: core with a little wheel in your hands, lifting up and down, 20 knuckle push-ups (I looooooooove chaturanga dandasana). Others, including the older ones, were having a rough time, surprisingly though.
I think I did OK, but the most gratifying moment of the evening is when 2 of the yellow belts, about 14 years of age, told me, as we were sitting down waiting for the last grading, 'you did very well, you don't worry, your technique is very good'. I am always amazed when children display greater maturity and compassion than adults. And that they acknowledge my anxiety and have no problem extending a virtual hand to lift me up is amazing. If adults were less cocky and as in tune with the Energetic Heart as these kids and teenagers, the world would surely be a better place than it is. And that applies to the government of this VERY VERY VERY imperfect fucking island.
Something I have really come to learn, appreciate and enjoy in Kalari, is the power of observing. About a third of the practice involves, for all of us, to observe others display their steps. At first, my hyperactive pitta nature thought it was a waste of time and practice, and that we ought to be practicing. But over time, and thanks to Master Edwards, I have sat down, watched, meditated and absorbed. And oh my god! I had never realised how important in the learning process it is to observe, look at more senior people practice. Not that I am to learn their steps, but watching them move gracefully and lightly, I absorb the essence of the practice, its lightness, its spirit, my destination. And I have been amazed by how much I have taken in and progressed, without any expectation or realization of it. I had always been aware of the power of visual display, and that is why I am so drawn to Shiva Rea, who deeply believes in the role of the teacher in embodying yoga for the benefits of students. I believe in demonstrating in class. But I am even a greater believer of that now. It is such a powerful way to transmit energy and eternal intelligence without words. I worsship the ability of our body to convey, and the power of the senses to absorb.
But as a result of all this excitement yesterday, I am left, for the first time truly in my life, with no core. I can't even hold myself sitting up, my belly is floating out, and I can't laugh or talk too long... Let's worship that today, and take it easy then. I a off to Little India for a lovely meal (my delish South India Thali), and to soak in the lights of Deepavali.
And to close, I had the weirdest dreams last night: Imperfect Husband (VERY IMPERFECT in my dream) had been cheating on me for a long while, with a GIRL! And he showed no remorse, no concern, no emotion. That is, that's all. I was speechless. And single. And then, my mom was doing the same to my dad, with a man, and that was it too. Damn, I woke up in a nasty mood, and it took a few good minutes for the bad energy to wear off. I wonder what that means. I did ask Imperfect Husband if there was anything I should know though... Seems there isn't.
Long post today.
Shanti and love.
PS: I will know next Saturday if I made it to the next Kalari belt. If not, I suck big time, if so, I rock and rule :P
